Who you gonna call? Well err, nobody, actually.

True, a lot has already been written about that increasingly common phenomenon: ghosting [/ˈɡəʊstɪŋ/] AKA simmering AKA icing. Herewith our tuppence worth!

Ghosting is usually described as the practice of “ending a personal relationship suddenly and without explanation, withdrawing from all subsequent forms of communication.” It first appears to have entered the lexicon around the early 2000s. Originally a dating reference, it has since expanded into professional (corporate ghosting if you like) settings. And particularly recruitment.

Dropping all forms of communication after any sort of contact would have been unthinkable “back in the day” (note to reader: erase and rewind whatever you deem to be an appropriate number of years here).

Forward wind and social media has a lot to answer for. Your typical business development executive offering offshore / inshore / outshore / nearshore / WTFshore services (read in the voice of Deputy Marshal Samuel Gerard) thinks nothing of asking to connect online without any prior introduction nor contact whatsoever. It’s akin to thrusting a business card into an unsuspecting stranger’s hand in the physical world without any prior qualification i.e. would never happen. Similarly, breaking off all communication without explanation is rare in the real world, but oh so easy online.

Why is this happening? Well, there are doubtless many way better-qualified people to answer this question but we’ll happily take an unqualified stab based on personal experience.

• Exigency. Information snacking is everywhere. A quick squiz at a Reel or TikTok trumps consulting the Encyclopaedia Britannica. There is a sense that personal time is being progressively compressed to a point of singularity. Better to hastily move on than “waste” a few valuable seconds tying things off.
• Apathy. Another modern day curse. Why Should I Bother is friends with It’s Nothing To Me who’s dating Who Gives A $%!£. Self-preservation is real in what feels like an increasingly volatile and polarised post-pandemic world.
• Myopia. The prioritisation of immediate one-off transactional gratification over long-term relationship building. It’s all about the now, now, now. True the future is uncertain, perhaps more than it ever has been, but there’s surely still merit in keeping at least one eye on it.
• Inconsequence. There are few repercussions in the digital world. Reputational damage doesn’t carry the same weight as it used to. More worryingly, as we become more and more desensitised to certain behaviours the more prevalent they become. Ghostee becomes ghoster.

What is interesting, against this backdrop, is how many people actually object to ghosting. Many see it as a breach of trust. Some even go as far as keeping a little black book of “bridge burners” ready for the day when said ghost(er) returns to haunt them.

So too, is the depth of the relationship cycle. Ghosted at first contact? Not that big a deal, traditionally nothing more than an occupational hazard. But nowadays ghosting happens after multiple conversations, meetings and other touch points?!

Conversely, think about those times where there might be a bona fide reason for lack of contact? e.g. email lost in the ether, a serious illness or other unfortunate personal event, simply dropping the ball, etc. The ghostee accepts it as the new normal and doesn’t bother to follow up. Ghostee becomes ghoster. Again. A veritable ghosting maelstrom.

In recruitment, there are obvious parallels with the offer process. Once upon a time, a verbal acceptance was sacrosanct. These days, not so much. Only a written acceptance will do. And then that changed too. Accepting multiple offers whilst ameliorating one or more of them right up until start date is now a thing. Then declining the also-rans. Or simply just ghosting them :-)

There is an argument, although not one that we subscribe to, that aims to justify this moral-compass-at-the-North-Pole behaviour. It says that for too long employers have treated prospective candidates and applicants with disdain. Ghosted even. And this is a chance to even up the ante. Yes, the market is volatile. Things can and do change at a moment’s notice. This includes offer rescindment at the last minute. Cue that post-pandemic self-preservation instinct again, perhaps somewhat understandably.

One thing’s for sure. There are no easy answers in a topsy-turvy world.

Yours truly. Forever ghosted. Never ghosting.

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