Goodbyes hurt because we allow others to take a part of us

But they hurt less once we grow with the parts of them which they left to us.

© Ces Villanueva

Time feels unlimited until we realize it’s fleeting. Years seem slow until we see how much we have grown older. Days appear gradual until we encounter the sun setting. Nights appear long until we find the dawn breaking. While moments feel unceasing until they become memories.

We feel the same with the people who matter to us. Conversations seem endless until our eyes give a somnolent gaze. Embraces keep us warm until the arms wrapped around us have to let go. And the presence of others in the things we got used to, seem permanent until we experience their absence — realizing that even the most repetitious things are still temporary.

Goodbyes still hurt even if we or the people who matter to us are off to a better place. They hurt because it feels like losing a part of us that we’re allowing them to take as we draw apart from them. There would always be a side of us whom we only get to show to some people alone and memories that we share with them in a special way. One way or another, we would miss the type of people we are, around the people who are bound to pursue growth far away from us.

Goodbyes hurt because it is only then that we become fully aware that the season of our lives we spent with the people we value has to end — that uncertainties cloud the time we expect to see them again.

Oftentimes, goodbyes hurt even more when done slowly, so at some point in our lives, we prefer a hurried goodbye or not saying goodbye at all — making it a stronger reason for the people we value to long for our presence while we keep loving them from a distance.

Special moments are best enjoyed without the fear of parting soon. Waves of laughter are let out the loudest without the fear of abandoning one’s memory of you. While the most heartfelt words are said without the fear of the unknown.

Nevertheless, goodbyes are not meant to only hurt. They are also meant to change us when we are left on our own to cultivate the complexities of our existence using the pieces of others who journeyed with us.

The gift of goodbyes is the influence of the people we value…the influence that grows even stronger when the hearts where it came from recollect as distant memories. This influence is the parts of others that are left with us — constantly guiding our perspective and decisions no matter how far we are now from whom we consider as our people.

Goodbyes teach us that change demands to be experienced. Just like how time teaches us that certain things have to end. Both teach us to emancipate ourselves from who we used to be, so we can anticipate our lives to change based on who we’re meant to be. Whether we like it or not, we have to dance with leaps of faith that often surprise us with life-changing twists of fate.

Goodbyes are meant to set us free to grow.

They are meant to allow us to respond to the calling of bigger dreams to chase, brighter passions to ignite, and vaster comfort zones to transcend.

The strong choice of letting people and opportunities go even if it scares and hurts us is what allows us to keep moving forward in life. Accepting that life is full of goodbyes is what gives us the strength to let new people in…to let the right people ride with us in a revolutionary phase of our journey.

New faces, new places, and new graces that are finding their way into our lives are what would help us carry ourselves through more reinvigorating learning curves to which we’re currently being brought.

Goodbyes may be difficult and aching to say, but they echo into our lives — giving us the freedom to enjoy the most beautiful, and often most unexpected growth experiences.

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Monica Villanueva

Monica Villanueva

Write to heal.

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