This year, I learned to protect my energy from what costs so much of it

I learned to become less reactive to situations that keep me from being balanced.

Monica Villanueva | Andre Banal Photography | Make-up by Chris Neil

This year, I learned that I don’t have to stay in situations that put my sanity at risk just because I am capable of tolerating them all.

I learned that I don’t have to give too much of myself into whatever asks for anything beyond my own limits.

I learned to stop dwelling on every single thing that is costing my peace in the present no matter how insignificant it will be to my future.

I learned to be okay with losing people after having seen the kind of people whom they are and to be okay with having saved nothing after lowering my pride.

I learned to quit saving the relationships I had with the people I’ve already compromised a lot for but still took everything for granted…the people I’ve endured so much for but still took me for granted.

This year, I learned how to deal with suffering silently and to only let it show in front of those who can offer a safe place to be vulnerable.

I learned to see the people who genuinely care and those who only care when they need or want something.

My darkest times have revealed the light from the people who value me even if I have nothing to give. I am blessed with the light of those who offered more than what I felt I deserved at times I was incapable of giving everything that my heart always wanted to give.

This year, I learned to put trust only where trust was gained — to never again compromise my boundaries as I recklessly followed the waves of circumstance to wherever it crashes and falls.

I learned to swim against the current of existence instead of lifelessly letting it take me to unknown places.

Because it is by being aware of where I wanted to go that I can assure myself that none of my time and energy would be wasted.

Through every path I sailed with vision and direction, I was led to a breakthrough or a valuable lesson learned.

At the same time, I learned to overcome the fear of the turbulence from unforeseen challenges that seems to stray me away from where I wanted to go, yet actually leads me to see the real beauty of the ocean of life itself.

This year, I learned to choose to live by being balanced.

I learned from the stories of the people I value, the hardships of the people I love, and the wisdom of the people who hold a special place in my heart.

I learned to be okay with the most worrisome situations not only because worrying is useless, but also because there is an immeasurable providence that makes the seemingly impossible become possible with grace.

This year, I learned to identify which things incomparably carry more meaning than what a lot of people think matters.

I learned which moments to live for — the moments I’d regret if I simply let pass, the moments which become timeless as enjoyed, the moments which can only be somehow relived by reunion or mere reminiscence.

This year, I learned to not leave myself off-guarded in situations wherein my sense of self is susceptible to the relapses of the traumas I had — the traumas from people who tried using me or taking advantage of me when all I ever wanted was sincerity and clarity of intentions.

I learned to still remember the kind of person I truly am even if unfortunate experiences have caused me a daunting change of heart and a daring view of limitations.

I learned to also see the potential that I have — the potential that my people have been trying to make me see after I’ve had shortcomings and I’ve been in wrong relationships which made me question what I can do.

This year, I learned to be more proactive than reactive to situations that could potentially trigger me into stooping down low. I learned to avoid the drama and to choose peace of mind — to reserve the energy I do not owe to anyone but myself.

I learned to be forgiving even to the apologies I didn’t receive, because not everyone who hurt me can be retrospective or sensitive enough to be aware of how much pain they’ve inflicted on me.

I have learned to deal with pain without being damaged.

This year, I have learned to still move with love even during the times when I am far from my best self. I learned to still put my heart into the things I do even if my unbelievable experiences have been shaking my stability in various aspects.

I learned to stay connected to my passion and calling amidst the times when I am almost giving up on myself — the times when I have the least resilience in facing the battles I am fighting privately.

I learned to love my dreams harder when there are too many things that demand my energy. I learned to love my shared dreams harder especially when it is taking me so much time to save myself out of a mentally unsteady state then show up in the battles I am expected to fight. I learned to show up in my battles although at times, the least I can do is to face them unarmed.

This year, I learned to become unattached to the past, to avoid missing out in the present, and to remain forward-looking regardless.

I learned to take responsibility for my lapses, to prioritize my overall wellness, and to stay hopeful at crucial times which push me to the verge of falling apart at the parts where most people expect me to remain whole.

I learned to trust my capabilities after all the ways I’ve experienced having my efforts unacknowledged, I’ve failed at the things I took a chance on pursuing, and I’ve disappointed the people to whom I’ve given reasons to raise the bar high on me.

I learned to believe that I can do things in the name of grace — that I can eventually face everything I was called into with courage and with determination to seize the opportunities waiting in front of me.

This year, I learned to rise above toxic situations — to tell myself that enough is enough because I’ve finally realized how pointless it will be for me to stay in the battles that are only consuming my energy without serving me with the growth I truly need.

Next year, I owe myself the choice to limit my exposure to energy-draining situations, so I could focus more on the people and the experiences that are supporting the growth I’ve been desiring the most.