Happiness
Not a goal, not a miracle, not a choice, not a hope. It’s a responsibility.
I’ve been thinking a lot about my catchphrase recently. “I hope you find smiles” is what I’ve been saying to online folks for years, now. I say it in streams, in emails, in podcast recordings, in discord posts, and in DMs. Historically, what it has meant to me is that I hope the recipient (of the phrase) experiences something today that generates smiles from the spirit. That they see or hear something that makes a smile appear for them before they even know it. Before they choose to smile, they find one already there.
I say this because life is hard, and it is hard for everyone. From the homeless person with no support network to the billionaire trying to figure out how to rule the world, no life is easy. Every life is a miracle and something to be appreciated and honored, but it’s certainly not easy. And, from my perspective, moments of joy are the best balm for a hard life.
Maybe a little more about these moments, to drive the point home. Are you ever watching something you’ve never seen before? And one of the characters does something that you weren’t expecting and you’re pleasantly surprised? If you’re with others, you might exclaim something and if you’re alone, you might just smile and think about that moment a little longer. Congrats, you just found a smile! :D
Or, maybe you discover a new favorite restaurant by accident. Weird cousin Brad suggests a place you’ve never heard before. You’re not sure about it when you walk in, but you order something familiar. Then you get the food and taste your first bite, and the flavor of it brings your memory back to childhood, the first time tasting this. And the nostalgia is strong enough that you decide that THIS is the place to get spaghetti or whatever. Congrats, you just found a smile! :D
I’m a video game kid, so I really, really want to put a third example (if you’re a gamer, you know the ‘rule of three’ that many RPGs and puzzle games like to throw at you. lol) but I think that’s enough redundancy for now.
I really like those moments, for myself and especially others. I genuinely hope that every person I say that to will have one of those moments in that day. I feel like those moments are the building blocks of a happy life. But, in promoting those moments for years, I’ve lost sight of another side to the whole equation. You see, from what I think and how I feel in this moment, I’m convinced that …
HAPPINESS IS A RESPONSIBLITY TO YOURSELF
As I said above, life is hard. And our little human brains struggle under the weight of all the things, often. And, while I still think it’s nice to wish someone happy moments in their day and I’ll probably continue to do it, I feel like there is something so much bigger that’s important to building that happy life I mentioned. And that is finding and pursuing your own happiness.
I don’t just mean fulfilling goals. Many, many people out there will give you advice on how to accomplish your career or financial or social or romantic goals and I bet it seems like that is pursuing happiness. Because “do what I set out to do,” will clearly make me happy, right? Does anyone else want to answer it or should I? It is my article, I guess…
Doing what you set out to do MIGHT bring you some happiness, but it is all dependent on how you RESPOND to that accomplishment. Some people finish a goal and they bask in that feeling of accomplishment for hours or days or weeks and that can be a lot of happiness. Good for them! But, do you know anyone that as soon as they complete a task, they just immediately move on to the next task? Or move the goalposts? Do you think they found happiness in those moments? I don’t.
So, if I don’t mean chasing goals or dreams, what do I mean?
I mean understanding your mood and using that data accordingly.
When people ask you about yourself, what do you usually say? How you make money? Who your family is? Hobbies? Media you like? All of these things are general aspects of your life and they are perfectly fine to tell someone else about who you are, but I would argue that who you really are is how you respond to situations. When something goes wrong, how do you respond? When something unexpected happens, good or bad, what is your reaction? When someone goes out of their way to help you or give you something that you didn’t expect, how do you feel?
If you pay enough attention to these things, you’ll start to realize that there are correlations. There are events and circumstances that send you in a specific emotional direction, almost without you thinking about it at all. Finally, I get to the point. Thanks for hanging this long. lol.
This is what I mean that happiness is a responsibility to yourself. No matter what struggles you’re going through (and I know you’re struggling in some ways), I believe that the only way to fight against the despair and the hate and the helplessness is to search out and experience things that bring you moments of actual happiness.
If you think you would like to go about finding some smiles, I recommend trying to focus on activities that you can do all by yourself. Consuming media or making art or listening to songs that bring you feelings that you know will come. We have so much at our fingertips with the internet in 2024 that I believe that there is something out there that is easy to find that can bring anyone a moment of happiness. I mean, have you ever watched cat videos?
There is a really good argument to be made that hanging out with specific people you love would satisfy this, as well. And I agree, good people that you love and that love you are the best source of moments of happiness. It’s riskier though. You can’t control anyone and anyone can be in a bad mood at any time. And you risk feeling resentment. For instance, if you need something from a loved one and if they are unable to provide that thing you need. Which can sometimes threaten the whole relationship. Of course, communication can help with that greatly, but not everyone is willing to have that communication in every moment. But, I’m a people-pleaser that is scared of hurting people, so maybe my perception of this is flawed by my specific lens.
Ultimately, I have no control over you, dear reader. I don’t want to tell you what to do and I don’t super care if you follow my advice or not. I just see a lot of people out there that never CHOOSE their own happiness. And I’ve seen a lot of people out there that seem to think that choosing their own happiness must be at someone else’s expense. You ever know someone that only seems happy when they are putting others down? I don’t personally believe that that is real happiness, but I’m just a person. And I’m wrong a lot.
However, if you’re in a mindset that seems like nothing can ever get better, maybe it’s time to find something that brings you real joy. No, that won’t fix the situation and it’ll still be waiting for you to get back. But our minds are changing by the hour, if not by the second. And what seems overwhelming for months at a time, will sometimes feel doable. And I think that’s because of mood.
So, dear reader, I truly believe that you can do anything you set your mind to, if you take care of that mind along the way, and give it some happiness on a regular basis. And, if you can’t think of anything that can give you that happy moment, take a week and really look at your life during that week. Were there moments that you smiled? What caused the smile? There’s always a surface answer to this, but I endeavor to think deeper. What about that moment was the reason that my face pulled in that direction? The more we know about ourselves, the easier it is to deal with our brains when they tell us there is no hope or there is nothing we can do. Every moment we’re alive, there’s always something we can do. We’re never as powerless as it seems.
Thanks for reading. I hope you find smiles, this day. But, more importantly, I hope you find the means to create your own smiles, at will.
