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Maybe I’m Not A Crazy Monster
What if everything I believed to be true was based on a lie?
For twenty-eight years, I believed I was successfully staving off insanity. At many points, I felt I was narrowly avoiding the ‘ole padded rooms. One misstep and I’d be found out for the crazy person I was, right? I had brilliantly fooled everyone around me through vigilant efforts to present myself as mostly sane.
Every day, I carried a fear that this would be the day they found me out. I was an imposter, somehow living an ordinary life.
As I work through traumas and damaging beliefs in therapy, I’ve picked up some new habits of thought. When feelings and beliefs surface, I’ve learned to ask myself ‘is it true?’ and ‘how do I know it’s true?’
The memory of my most damning moment popped up a while back. Immediately, I asked myself how I know it is true? The results of that inquiry (which I reveal below) left me stunned. What if I was never crazy at all in the first place? What if the basis of my supposed insanity were based on assumptions that had never been true? Who would I be then?
Narrowly Avoiding Institutionalization
The reputation I’ve built of being somewhat normal (well, normal for writers) has been my greatest accomplishment. As an…
