I’m playing around with practice. Messing up the artform. Experimenting and seeing what happens. Test, measure, repeat until it explodes in your face, then laugh it off and try again. Gradually tweaking my craft so that this consistency of writing is working towards something, building me up.
It’s wild to see time zoom by. A year ago I was a completely different person. Right around now I was freaking out about the pandemic, trying to get a COVID diagnostic company off the ground. With eyes on the prize of saving the world, I had blinders on to the ways that I needed to save myself. A bit melodramatic but it feels valid.
On my wall I have an e.e. cummings quote: “It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” Found it in an alley a few blocks from my place. Seems pertinent. I’ve been looking around for courage recently but it’s in scarce supply.
I really dig the way Dave's True Stories lays it all out. Something real and raw screaming off of the page. It’s hard admitting you’re fucked up. It’s harder asking for help. It’s even harder showing the entire struggle. The highest highs and lowest lows. Takes real courage to show your soft spots. Takes even more courage for people to accept those places where you’re weak so they can help strengthen you. Our journeys are built on the backs of people who have been bridges and we’ve trusted they will bend but not break.
I started sleeping next to my guitar. I thought it’d make me a better player if I had to cuddle up next to a six-string.
Some people lace up running shoes every morning hoping it’ll get them in the mood. Nowadays I head into the lab. There’s something calming about being in this space, filled with the afterglow of growing algae.
I’ve been working on practicing. The act of science is showing up, trying things, practicing in public, writing it down. I look to people like Sebastian and Justin as examples of showing the ups and downs of research. It takes real courage to show up that way every single day.
I’m hoping I can start slow. It’s been awhile since I’ve really flexed my experimental muscles. Let’s begin.