Life Lessons From a Female Bodyguard
Discussion on ambition, discipline, and gender bias with professional bodyguard and jiu-jitsu master Mónica Couto.
Mónica Couto started martial arts when she was 11 years old. She’s chosen one of the most difficult ones, jiu-jitsu, a self-defense system coming from the Samurai Japanese style.
“I was raised following the “work hard, do push-ups, don’t complain and be grateful” mentality”
“I grew up with my father, he was in the military, a marine. So I was raised following the “work hard, do push-ups, don’t complain and be grateful” mentality” she smiles. She grew up knowing that she wanted to fight for her dreams and that a woman could do whatever she wanted. “You choose what you want to do, what profession is for you. You can do anything, and that is my motto”.
Teaching and gender bias
Mónica decided to go full in and aimed to be teaching her passion to others.
Pretty soon, the gender factor became very apparent to her. She figured that she’ll have to prove to men, “being only a small woman”, that she could use her technique, her intelligence, her speed, and agility, to achieve the same as they did. “They are just strong. Everything works when you are strong! So yes, it was always difficult for me”.
But she found mentors to help her, guide her, build her. “It was difficult to reach the same level as them, to be considered a true master”. She was long diminished, only allowed to teach for 10 minutes while her male counterparts had an hour slot, she always felt the difference.
“But I’ve always managed to prove myself. I’m strong in my mind and in my body, and I can do the same, maybe even better, than them” she laughed.
22 years later, she’s recognized for her true value. She worked hard and proved that women can be just as good a master than men.
Protecting and traveling
On top of that, she decided to go for something that would satiate her thirst for knowledge, travels, and other cultures: parallel to her martial art teaching, she decided to work as a bodyguard. “It’s all connected because it’s all about serving and protecting” she explains.
“It’s very different than in my other world. There, you have to work with teams, sometimes with a backup. We all have a place to fit in, and we need each other” she explains. “You have to be deeply aware of your surroundings. You have to be always at the top of your game, sharp, and very fit. Not just physically, but mentally as well”.
When asked if she sometimes was scared, she didn’t hesitate a second: “YES! Especially if I don’t know the country, the new customs, people, places … I once worked in New York, and coming from a small country like Portugal, I was amazed, everything was so massive, I didn’t know where to look. Or I worked for a princess in the Middle East, it’s so different there, I was trying to control everything around me, but it’s hard”.
The gender bias in this other world is there as well, but it’s different. “It is a world where you truly have to trust your team. We need each other. Yes, men will always be the “strong ones”, but us women, we can blend it better, we have other skills, soft skills, to help us, to stay in this profession”.
Which doesn’t mean that she can be less in shape than her male counterparts. For Mónica, you have to be fit physically, but most importantly mentally. “I’m not that obsessed about physical fitness. Yes, you have to be in shape, and I work out every day. But not too much, 40 minutes or so, some cardio, some strength exercises. The mental is the most important. You have to make good decisions, to react fast. You have to be positive, you need good thinking, strong problem-solving skills. This is the hardest part”.
With 10 or 12 hours shifts, sometimes there is not even time for the work-outs. “We are so tired. My trick, my success in this game, is sleeping. Right after a shift, I just go to bed. My colleagues go out for walks, go to the gym. I just sleep. And the next day I’m ready, with stamina, fresh for the job”.
Sisterhood
And yes, this lifestyle made it complicated to sustain a relationship, and she decided early on that she didn’t want a family, this was more important to her. She always had all of those dreams and passions, and she did everything in her power to make them happen for herself.
“When women truly support each other, they are strong. It is all about confidence and self-esteem”
And yes, this lifestyle made it complicated to sustain a relationship, and she decided early on that she didn’t want a family, this was more important to her. She always had all of those dreams and passions, and she did everything in her power to make them happen for herself.
“I’ve traveled around and taught women self-defense. I’ve been to Iran, Koweit, Dubai, Jordan … And you know the most important thing I brought there? It was not the technique, it was simply the attention that I was giving. It was my greatest gift, and my heart will always be full of joy for sharing this kind of love through self-defense”.
“When women truly support each other, they are strong. It is all about confidence and self-esteem. It is something that we are yet missing, us, women. The men are supporting each other, there is a true brotherhood. They are stronger together. Women are not there yet, sisterhood is not yet like that”.
But Mónica has high hopes for the future, and she’ll do everything she can to get there. Yes, she accomplished so much already, but she still has so many plans and objectives to reach. “I want to teach physical fitness for women over 50, explain to them how important it is to keep your power, your muscles, and your flexibility. I want to build a bigger dojo, offer different trainings. I’m lucky, I truly love my life. Day by day, week by week, I’ll move forward”.
