Career Coaching For Women: We Are Our Worst Enemy

We’ve been talking to three Business and Life Coaches about the challenges women face regarding career and ambition choices.

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When scrolling through Instagram, one can not help but notice the number of coaches out there. Entrepreneurs coach. Career coach. Business and life coach. This new kind of profession is aiming to help all kinds of profiles achieve their career goals, whether it being climbing the later, or quitting the corporate world and starting out something new. It is about accountability, plan-making, and talking through obstacles.

And a lot of those coaches are aimed at women particularly.

Why women? Do they need more coaching, are they feeling more apprehensive than men in front of the self-made business? Or is it rather, they are more willing to talk about their doubts and anxieties to someone?

Women as the choice audience

“If you look at the senior leadership teams of the vast majority of major corporations, they are disproportionately male. I think there are a couple of factors at play here. First, when you have a certain group in power and they all identify in the same way, they tend to gravitate towards people who look like them. Implicit biases present a real barrier; it’s often difficult for women, and especially women of color, to be seen and to be taken seriously. Relatedly, as a woman navigating her career, if you look up at the C-Suite of your company and you don’t see anyone who looks like you, you might think it’s not possible for you to make it. And that creates its own set of challenges; you might count yourself out before you even get in. So I think it’s really important to unlearn a lot of the things that we have, perhaps unconsciously, taken as facts over the years. It can be tough to recognize the self-limiting assumptions and beliefs we might be holding onto,” analyzes Domonique Worship, Career Coach.

To this, you can add a less extricate explanation of simple comfort and ease. A safe space between women, who are more comfortable talking about their obstacles to a woman than to a man.

“For my part, I wanted to start a business to help me heal certain aspects of myself and my beliefs. And part of it was, I wanted to let go of this old narrative that women are competitive, especially in the workplace. And I felt that maybe there were a lot of women who resonated with that, and I wanted to create a safe space for them to be heard and to be comfortable with each other” reflects Gabriela Farina, Life and Business Coach.

“I think men may have mindset problems as well, but the difference is that they are raised differently, and so you won’t hear them admit it or talk about it. They’ll conceal it. For women it is an upbringing thing.” points out Sarah Irvin, Business and Mindset Coach.

“Often the biggest revelation that leads to transformation is realizing how we hold ourselves back, and how we count ourselves out of the game before we even try to get in”

“And if we look at “traditional” gender roles, women have historically been the caregivers, the people who are pouring into their kids and their families, and not necessarily taking that time to invest in themselves. I think there’s been this very necessary paradigm shift that has happened over time, where women are investing in themselves and prioritizing their own wants and needs — mentally, emotionally, and professionally. But it takes work and it takes repetition and support. In my work with my clients, often the biggest revelation that leads to transformation is realizing how we hold ourselves back, and how we count ourselves out of the game before we even try to get in” Domonique goes further

What kind of profiles?

So, who goes to see a coach? What’s the aim, what’s the angle? Is it corporate people looking to climb the ladder? Is it changing career, building a business? Is it about work/life balance?

“It’s important to get them to give themselves permission to dream”

For Gabriela, it is usually women who want to leave the corporate world. High achievers, who really put high value in terms of their title and what they are able to achieve. “But once they achieve things they feel a lack of fulfillment. There has to be more, they want to be more creative” she smiles.

Usually, the profiles vary a lot. “What’s common between them is that they are on a path where they are not fulfilled” points out Domonique. “They know that there’s something more out there, something else that they want to do, even if they are not sure what. It’s important to get them to give themselves permission to dream”.

Facing our goals: differences between women and men

We always have those ideas about women being less self-assured. About men not willing to talk, but being bolder. About the weight of social expectations in terms of gender. Here the opinions vary.

For Gabriela, women tend to be more comfortable to lean into their intuition. “They trust that they will be able to figure things out because they really want this. Most men are a little bit more strategic. This first than that. Women are more willing to tap into their intuition to achieve their goals”.

The truth is that you’ll never feel like you are ready

In Domonique’s experience, on the other hand, women often jump to the assumption that they are not qualified enough. They’ll do certifications, courses, prep work, sometimes not to make it the final execution part because they want to make sure it’s perfect. “The truth is that you’ll never feel like you are ready. There’s always going to be something else that you could do or learn. Sometimes you just need that push to start, and then you kind of figure it out as you go. We are incredibly resourceful and resilient,” she smiles. In opposition, men typically don’t worry about not being qualified enough. They’ll apply and think they are the right candidate even if they only fit 10% of the requirement. “Definitely a clear difference in the way we approach those things”.

Ambition vs family: not the same weight

One of the differences that also comes to light when talking to the coaches, is the influence a family has on a woman’s career.

Sarah places “time management” as the number 2 problem that women go through on their journey to a better career (the number one being mindset). “Time management is people who have husbands or a family, and try to have a career, but a lot more responsibilities lays on their shoulders. We may see that evolve and change over time, but it’s still very much a thing”.

Gabriela agrees: “A lot of women feel guilty about investing in themselves and their wellbeing when they feel they should use this time or resource for something more “practical”, especially if you have kids”. She tries to show them the benefits of the Investissement, like kids growing up in this kind of environment, “with a parental figure with a strong sense of well being, that really impacts the lives of people around you, like a ripple effect. Investing in yourself is not selfish at all”.

The advice everybody needs

Everybody agrees on the very first obstacle that women face when it comes to changing careers or climbing the ladder: their own mindset. Your worse enemy could very well be yourself.

For Gabriela, the most important is to “feel comfortable working on yourself. You don’t always have to look for ways to better your career and your business, and all these out-worldly things. Focus on making yourself feel good on the inside. People see that as an extra but I think that’s the main thing”.

Sarah agrees. “Stop overthinking it. Just take the first step. Messy action is better than no action at all. Get out of your head, just take the first step”. Most of the work she’s doing with her clients is mindset work.

“If you’re feeling afraid, you are on the right track”

Domonique goes further, to talk about the doubt part of this overthinking. The number one advice she gives is, “if you’re feeling afraid, you are on the right track”. The path to achieving our dreams is an exciting one, but also a scary one, full of doubts and of “Woah Woah, wait a minute” moments. “In reality, that fear often means that you are onto something. It’s good to normalize that fear and to help people understand that. Changing your perspective on fear is very important”.

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Domonique, Gabriela, and Sarah are business and/or life coaches. Find out more on their Instagram by clicking on their names