Mikko Koskensyrjä: Insurance Mystic?
Dear Ian,
I hope this finds you well. Finland continues to be a struggle. My landlord has threatened to shoot me, mimed a shotgun at me and makes continuous reference to drunk and stupid Irish jokes, Riverdance, the IRA, explosions and blowing stuff up and whatever other points of Irish culture he thinks serves his derogatory opinion. I have reported him to the police but they have decided the approximately €60,000*(see end for correction) he gets maybe publicly taxed on a year is not enough for him to be fined on, and they have made my witness disappear on paper. They tell me, as the Finnish do in all things, that I don’t understand. Which I find amusing, as I would have thought the symbol for miming a shotgun, and saying “no one needs to get shot” several times was rather universal representation for shooting someone with a shotgun.
It looked a little bit like this.
I suppose he could have meant a rifle or one of Sako’s [Finnish arms and munitions company] famous magic glowing hunting bullets as pictured. But, I think after he air pumped the thing and fired it again that it was a shotgun. I could be wrong though, he might not have pumped the invisible mind-shotgun but rather been attending some itch or issue with phantom recoil before firing the possible-but-not-there rifle. I have never been so strong on the exactness of interpretive firearms as I failed my class in RADA. If I had known mime was so popular in Finland, I would never have come. Though in a way, it makes sense, to develop means of communication besides that language.
There’s some blurb about they will not pursue the matter against him as it would likely only get a fine and the fine it would get is not enough to cover the cost of the case. Which is odd as here in Finland fines are measured against your yearly earnings and as mentioned, that I can publicly see, my landlord is apparently being taxed on maybe approximately €60,000*(see end for correction) a year. My landlord is an auxiliary judge and with no reference to the witness of the event and a statement that it will not be investigated for fear of damaging his reputation, for the good of the Finnish people, the cases are dropped. Finland continues to be a struggle of corruption and fraud.
I am writing again so quickly because in my dealings with the nightmarish and interminable noise and vibration of the illegally constructed Flamenco School, I have come across something hilariously unbelievable but so totally Finland that I have to share. I will have to quote a few emails to the Finnish Insurance Broker’s Association + The Finnish Central Bank, so please bare with me.
Here in Finland, I have discovered what can only be described as a hitherto unknown branch of Insurance Brokers. While I cannot state whether it exists in Estonia (they have a castle) or Russia (castle has you), my Swedish friends assure me it does not exist in Sweden. That is to say,
The Insurance Mystic.
Don’t laugh.
It’s true.
The Insurance Mystic would appear to be a difficult mix between an old school soothsayer and an old school soviet disinformation politmemberthing (“politmemberthing?” “Comrade you remember nothing.”) It is possible that there may be some unknown science to it that is so advanced that it seems like magic to the rest of the world. That is to say there exists in Finland a branch of Insurance Broker that is able to judge the safety of construction, acoustic safety, air quality, ventilation systems, plumbing systems, health, water and matters of the faith without seeing them. Without ever being in the same room as them. Just by reading about them.
Not only do they never need any meaningful contact with the issues, but they are also able to conduct and judge complex safety issues without any measuring equipment, rather just by reading an email and thinking about it.
It must be a very secret, special and ancient Finnish art as suspected Insurance Mystics are evasive when asked of education. They also appear to answer to a higher power than government agencies such as Health and Safety and the Environment. As their mystic claims of safety will go unchallenged. Basic impersonation of city authority will also go unchallenged with other departments and police, as they and their impersonation of city authority is apparently under no jurisdiction.
As the Insurance Mystic dictates safety, the city authority will go to many lengths to protect the Insurance Mystic, even breaking the very laws of logic by stating that laws written by or for their own department are, in the face of the Insurance Mystic’s predictions, no longer relevant and not enforced by them.
Re: a request for inspection of ventilation safety regarding the interior of an apartment in Helsinki. An outside ventilation pipe had mechanics added with no safety gauges and was heavily suspected to not be regulation distance from the dwelling. Health effects caused by the noise and worries about air quality were expressed, especially as the ventilation unit had begun to crack and peel away the plaster on the wall it was beside."We deal with the health risk inside the apartment ( inside one flat) not deal with the hole building. In our work we do not use the directive you referenced (https://www.edilex.fi/data/rakentamismaaraykset/d2e.pdf) but mainly heath protection act and regulation ”Sosiaali- ja terveysministeriön asetus asunnon ja muun oleskelutilan terveydellisistä olosuhteista sekä ulkopuolisten asiantuntijoiden pätevyysvaatimuksista 545/2015”. For those building and structural safety questions you may have to consult rakennusvalvontavirasto (Building Control Department) (or Pelastuslaitos (Helsinki City of Rescue Department))." - Anne Hernesmaa, city health inspector.
Questions about qualifications to be able to judge safety arose due to the suspected Insurance Mystic’s incredible powers.
Re: a request for inspection of ventilation safety regarding the interior of an apartment in Helsinki due to non-regulation changes to an exhaust and the addition of mechanics."For a board member, no formal qualification is required. I have studied many environmental issues including a couple of courses on noise reduction, so I have some knowledge of the issue." - Mikko KoskensyrjäAlso possible suspected Insurance Mystics are able to decide if you are allowed have your windows open."During the survey we noticed that the outer windows of your apartment are open. Please close them. Otherwise water and cold will damage the windows." - Mikko Koskensyrjä
Mikko goes on to detail with pictures and diagram to explain how to change a ventilation feature that does not exist within the apartment I rent. What did exist was a raw concrete hole filled with socks and rags and black dust my landlord later kindly emptied into the apartment without HVAC equipment.
Defy the laws of logic, nay science!"On Tuesday the housing company had a structural survey at the flamenco school premises. Unfortunately the technical property manager was ill and the other persons attending the survey (including me) did not find any imminent construction errors. We will try to get more information next month, including the holes in the basement walls." - Mikko Koskensyrjä"Since you are asking, yes, I have the insurance broker's licence" - Mikko Koskensyrjä"You have already made at least ten cheeky comments" - Mikko KoskensyrjäTake that Science!
Puzzled by this information. The lack of any mention of measurements or really anything of worth, I began to research this vaunted thing Mikko Koskensyrjä had repeatedly stated he was. Perhaps they had some information or guidelines or even, though I dare not hope, a code of ethics.
Whilst all this study into the apocrypha of ‘De Safety Waarzegger’. Saara Suojanen, Jouko Raisanen, Mikko and the board’s assurance everything was tiptop safe and all, don’t you worry your pretty little “cheeky” Irish head*. whilst denying private sound tests. It would turn out the Flamenco School had been constructed illegally without the correct permits and as such it was unlikely it had any safety inspections including to the changed ventilation pipe.
Whilst repeated statements by both the board and school assured me that in fact the building manager Timo Hagner had been responsible for building everything and no one knew anything and even though it had been repeatedly brought up at owners and board member meetings, no one knew anything and it was Timo Hagner’s fault and because they knew nothing they were not responsible.
As publicly available photos posted to the Facebook group of the would-be-illegal Flamenco school clearly showed members of the later-to-be-revealed-as-operation-illegally-Flamenco school constructing the Flamenco-School-formerly known-as-legal.
This was strange and I wondered was this the first chink in seeming godlike divination powers of the suspected, possible Insurance Mystic. I would have sought answers from Timo Hagner but after some sound measurement sabotage, Timo Hagner had disappeared into the wilds of Helsinki and I fear for its safety as this was the same Timo Hagner whom my landlord repeatedly informed me was a shady, dangerous criminal I should be careful of. Yes, my landlord that was an auxiliary member of the Judiciary and practiced law for forty years and had been called to the bar. Yes the Finnish Bar, the very same bar that expects its members to follow and obey the rule of law. Yes, that very same one.
The trail had gone dead.
The city was refusing to answer me on the matters of the ventilation and air safety and general safety. Laws were cast aside, and even the very “senior technical advisor” Pekka Kalliomäki listed in Ministry of the Environment, Housing and Building Department ,Indoor Climate and Ventilation of Buildings ,Regulations and Guidelines 2003 could not or would not answer my questions.
It would appear in my opinion that Mikko Koskensyrjä had almost Free Masonary like reach into the highest echelons of Finnish power. Perhaps it was this apparent untouchability that enabled him to crack jokes about the suffering of others at public meetings.
So I contacted the Bank of Finland. That line of enquiry went dead after I enquired about conflict of interests and “giving reassurance on the safety of things he has not seen or measured.” as I did not know how much they knew, I did not mention his informing of the safety of things that did not exist. I was afraid that might blow their mind.
So I contacted the Finnish Insurance Brokers Association or the FSA. Surely their best minds might reveal something about the possible Insurance Mystic.
Dear Sir,My apologies, I just have to seek clarity on that position to understand you correctly — insurance brokers are allowed to cite their work and qualification as an insurance broker as guarantee to what they are doing re: matters of safety and support illegal construction, improper, illegal fire safety etc. And as long as that does not happen exactly under contract as an insurance broker, it is not in breach of the insurance broker code of conduct — specifically the points about adherence to law, conflict of interest etc? Either local or international?Best regards,
Mooseville 99"Yes, you have understood correctly.In matters concerning construction, fire safety etc you should contact the competent authority (Building Control Department, fire safety inspector etc.) They have the competence to assess the competence of the insurance broker you mentioned regarding the issues you mentioned."Best regards,
Antti Lampinen
Emboldened by this first crack of truth. I pushed ahead.
Dear Sir,
I apologise, but that remains unclear.If I read that right - by telling me I understand correctly.You are telling me it is perfectly okay for an insurance broker, IF not under insurance broker contract - to be involved in illegal matters - such as illegal construction and false and illegal fire safety?You are telling me while not legally entitled, if not under contract an insurance broker may use their license as insurance broker, to attempt to falsely win confidences and falsely maybe even illegally to sign off on safety matters?You are telling me that an insurance broker - IF not under insurance broker contract may break and flout anything to do with the insurance brokers' code of conduct either national or international.That the insurance brokers' code of conduct either national or international, which I thought had points about adherence to law and the broker remaining of good character - that, that does not matter - if they are not under insurance contract - they are free to ignore and break the code of conduct?Also that, while they may falsely use their insurance broker license to falsely sign off on safety matters - from your writing I am to gather this is not legally correct nor a legal entitlement and I should consult these correct departments.Is this only in Finland?best regards,Mooseville 99
The trail abruptly went dead again.
Elsewhere Mikko Koskensyrjä would be party to trying to force me into signing a false public confession of participation and enacting of crimes I did not commit and to begin to meddle in things completely unrelated to him, such as a consumer complaint. In my opinion, the sheer omnipresence of the suspected Insurance Mystic, Mikko Koskensyrjä was staggering. Now it appeared that suspected Insurance Mystics controlled consumer affairs and were immune to data privacy laws.
It would seem the Insurance Mystics were privy to every level of Finnish society and even my landlord,(the auxiliary judge remember?) had to okay documents by Mikko Koskensyrjä. Consumer Complaint documents found their way to the suspected Insurance Mystic magically. Both the auxiliary member of the Judiciary and forty-year practicing attorney and once member of the Finnish Bar Association, and the Consumer Complaints Board deny providing Mikko Koskensyrjä [suspected Insurance Mystic] with the documents. As he “came into possession of them” with no explanation for this strange bureaucratic panopticon , I must only assume that witchcraft is responsible.
Could the Insurance Mystic be a school of Finnish witchcraft? Was the famous Perkele behind all of this after all?
It was okay though. I was assured by the Finnish Police that no crimes had happened, there was no evidence and I had clearly misunderstood because I was Irish and not Finnish.
Though repeated requests for private acoustic tests were made they were batted away with the arcane tactics of ignoring them, stating that the dance floor was fine and regulation and “No”.
When pushed, information was offered that they had a contract with The Illegal Flamenco School and could not gain entrance. Ever. Like, really, ever.
As this would later be told not to have a basis in law by the city construction lawyer. After twenty-five months of being given the run around by the entire city of Helsinki, I took this as testament of the suspected Insurance Mystic’s raw occult powers.
The Illegal Stamp Dancing School [quaintly known as Flamenco in Spain] had been ordered shut. The city construction authority had finally brought this dance into madness to a halt…
But not for long…
Sound tests would not be released…
The trail was dead… and the building had set about hurriedly ripping out the floor.
Then this appeared.
If indeed this photo was true, if somehow this photo taken from the Illegal Flamenco School’s Facebook page could be linked to the Illegal Flamenco School through some means not yet open to me, then it would prove that probably the Midlife Crisis Stampers and Guitar Association [politely referred to as Flamenco amongst the Spanish mountain cults that still practice it] had used material that could be used as children’s playground paving stones for the floor of their school. Flooring labelled as “possibly incorrect for an acoustically correct dance floor as they stated they had” by a noted Finnish acoustic Scientist.
I could not tell what was real any more.
Could Mikko Koskensyrjä’s powers as an Insurance Mystic be in doubt?
He could not possibly have lied could he? No. He was a good upstanding insurance broker, he had told me this himself in one of the emails where he had told me to close my windows.
He had thoroughly checked the building that day the other guy was sick, hadn’t he?
Could it be possible that Insurance Mystics did not exist, but rather had the same power as your average cake dowser?
In my opinion, I have no answers to these questions.
So I am left wondering, Mikko Koskensyrjä…Insurance Mystic?
Maybe I will never know for sure.
Maybe the arcane powers that rule Finland will close the doors that were briefly opened to me. Or maybe my landlord [the auxiliary judge] and his associates will hold good on his threat to shoot me.
I don’t know…
The vent has got louder…
They’ve ripped out the floors where the Illegal Stamping happened, no sound tests can happen now. They’ve ignored the city edict to return the place to the way it was before.
No one answers exist for questions of taxation, construction fraud or safety and I have been reliably informed my apartment is not subject to any safety or environmental laws of Finland.
Yet no one can tell me what laws it is subject to.
Though I fear they are not the laws of men. Or even laws you or I could fathom.
If you receive this Ian, find me scientists, find me insurance brokers, ask them questions of ethics… ask them…
Can you measure things you cannot see?
Can you measure things that do not exist?
Best regards,
Mooseville 99
Hi there!
You might remember me as the assistant and sometimes the Safety Grumple from such videos as ‘Safety Officer Steve Hedden Explains Tornados!’ Or Austria’s favourite ‘Safety Officer Steve Hedden explains Deep Water Safety!’ Also the surprise sequel ‘Safety Officer Steve Hedden Explains Tornados 2: Owning Your Fear!’ The oft Vatican quoted ‘Jump Through The Fire: Safety Officer Steve Hedden Explains Survivalist Acrobatics, Forest Fires and You’. Not forgetting ‘Safety Officer Steve Hedden explains Tornados 3: Explosive Debris Dispersal!’ And of course, 1978’s Armenian safety video of the year, ‘What’s Next? Safety Office Steve Hedden Explains Basic Wasteland Survival, Self Defence and Ear Collection in the Event of a Cataclysm’
All Jokes Aside…
Now, I realise saying funny things about fake things like witches, glowing bullets, insurance broker ethics and flamenco might detract from the seriousness of the subject at hand. So it’s time for some
Real Talk…
Poor Acoustic Safety is a very serious thing and I am not joking about the damage it can do. Aside from the obvious effects of hearing damage can cause very real cardiovascular side effects and damage.
Cardiovascular:
“In 1999, the World Health Organization (WHO) concluded that the available evidence suggested a weak correlation between long-term noise exposure above 67–70 dB(A) and hypertension.[24] More recent studies have suggested that noise levels of 50 dB(A) at night may also increase the risk of myocardial infarction by chronically elevating cortisol production.[25][26][27]Fairly typical roadway noise levels are sufficient to constrict arterial blood flow and lead to elevated blood pressure; in this case, it appears that a certain fraction of the population is more susceptible to vasoconstriction. This may result because annoyance from the sound causes elevated adrenaline levels trigger a narrowing of the blood vessels (vasoconstriction), or independently through medical stress reactions. Other effects of high noise levels are increased frequency of headaches, fatigue, stomach ulcers, and vertigo.[28]”Stress:
Research commissioned by Rockwool, a UK insulation manufacturer, reveals in the UK one third (33%) of victims of domestic disturbances claim loud parties have left them unable to sleep or made them stressed in the last two years. Around one in eleven (9%) [29] of those affected by domestic disturbances claims it has left them continually disturbed and stressed.Hearing loss, cognitive development, depression, anxiety, sensations of the supernatural, increased rates of dementia and general misery are all other side effects of types of noise pollution.
Ventilation Safety is one of the most important aspects of construction. [Aside from not building on sand and or making sure it all stands up and does not fall down.]
Exposure to poor indoor air quality can cause short-term eye, nose and throat irritation as well as headaches, dizziness and fatigue. It can also exacerbate the effects of asthma, particularly in children. Over time, this exposure can lead to respiratory disease, cardiovascular disease or even cancer.Other aspects of poor ventilation can be Legionnaires’ disease and cancer.Further ventilation and air quality information can be found here
When a human makes jokes about the noise and suffering of another during a matter of poor or untested safety, especially when they ostensibly have training in the checking of such measures. It is a serious situation.
"Hahaha it must be like living over a Disco hahaha" - Mikko Koskensyrjä at a building meeting about plumbing renovations. Roughly translated from the native Finnish.They are displaying a disregard to the health and well being of another based on whether that person is getting in the way of what they want or desire and that is an unhealthy and negative personality trait. Not ‘least because it points to questions of ethics and morality but it also states very clearly the person or persons involved do not care if the victim gets sick and dies.
And that is what is at the heart of the matter here.
Concerns for health and safety when brought to these people; one, a racist attorney with forty-year legal experience and an auxiliary member of the Finnish judiciary, the other an insurance broker who has done some courses in safety engineering and a building board comprised of people who do not care for the health and well-being of other people if it does not serve their interests. Who will treat it as a chess dilemma to evade, wrangle, dismiss, hide and actively fight rather than tackle the faults in the systems. This points to a disturbing lack of empathy, but also to a potentially criminal negligence.
Their message seems to be
We don’t care if you get seriously ill and die. We’re going to crack jokes about it. We’re going to fight you rather than fix it. We don’t care if you die.
It shows a potential lack of conscience.
And that’s a serious problem.
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- Corrections and Changes
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- previously this said €1,000,000 - this may have been an error by one of our researchers. The figure had been amended to what they now think it is based on misreading of documents. Apologies for any confusion caused. This was not our intention.
- Quotations have been removed here and placed around the word used. This is due to some Finnish people being confused if this was actually a quote. It was not it is a joke based on the usage of the word cheeky and the bigoted treatment received.
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You can support the struggle through this nonsense and the rest, if you like, by buying Mooseville99 a ko fi or three or more ;)
Thank you for reading.
