Hugs on WNAAD 2022 from your fellow criminal hypnosis & narcissistic abuse survivor!
It has been a year since I attended WNAAD Summit 2021. There I learned a lot of educational stuff about narcissistic abuse and destructive strategies that narcissists apply to their targets. It changed my life. I got the names for awful things that happened to me. Malignant narcissists employ criminal hypnosis, NLP & other brainwashing techniques for coercive control.
I survived it all, and liberation took me long months of very special anti-brainwashing trauma healing therapy. I got my saddest memories back and recalled extreme violence done to my soul via unethical manipulations with trance conditions that my thought-to-be-friend & boss at one of my past workplaces found acceptable.
These episodes were hard to digest and live with. When painful things occur, it is twice as painful if you are can’t remember them and process your hard feelings. In attempts to find out the truth, you get back to the personality of your abuser again and again. The memories remain locked. You definitely have mixed feelings. Your emotions go wild, you may even get PTSD or take your life… You literally fall to pieces without access to actual reasons for pain. You cannot get the criminal accountable because the crime is locked in your memory.
Last year I got the key to what has happened. I dug into how deep trance is provoked. I scratched the door hiding scary locked things, the Pandora box. I recalled episodes where I had only “video” with zero “audio”. In one of them I managed to restore the abuser’s phrase “you’ll never tell anything to anyone”. I recalled episodes with “lost” time hidden by black screens where something definitely happened, but I was unable to remember what was hidden there. There were also episodes in the past, some strange conversations with my abuser, and each time my mind got back to them, I felt suicidal for no reason. My life was 100% okay, but when my mind “touched” a particular moment in the past, I felt a sudden desire to die.
So I found a mental health professional who can do ethical hypnosis and get me back to my past memories. It was dangerous, but living in a mental prison that my abuser built around me was too hard. We unlocked things I was told to forget. Disgusting sexual assaults. Extreme desire to posses a helpless person in deep trance and torture the victim. Attraction to corpse-like objects. This was surely too much, I got hospitalized with uterine bleeding though nothing wrong was found. Experts in hypnosis say that if in deep trance you were told to die, you may actually die. The hidden past almost killed me, both my body and mind were bursting at the seams. Despite 44 days on sick leave between life and death, I survived, and it was a miracle. A second chance.
I’m sharing all this to tell people like me to never give up. Your past is not you. Your abuser is not you. Your neglectful parents are not you. If you meet a narcissist, it’s a curse because you’ll be tried by fire and most likely go through a near-death experience for this or that reason. The malignant narcissist from my past was a well-educated bastard who learned hypnosis at a young age and employed it to succeed in life. Other targets face mostly physical violence from less educated individuals. However, the narcissists’ lack of empathy makes them do horrible things. Sometimes just for fun. Sometimes just to feel important. Despite everything, it has nothing to do with you. It isn’t your fault — you were just unlucky to meet them and probably have some childhood traumas they exploited. Well, we all have them. Not. Your. Fault.
You can turn your bad luck into your blessing, if you make healing your primary goal. Your abuser brought you scars, but most likely they also brought you some knowledge. You will miss your naive self (I won’t lie to you here…), but you are in full power to build your strong self. The abuser showed you the insecurities that let bad people make their way into your life turning off your inner guard. You can work on these insecurities and NEVER let a narcissist to get close to you again. You can transform yourself into a self-sufficient person who enjoys life and has no trust in rascals. You can learn to hear your guts before a stranger hugs you. You will build strong boundaries and learn the power of “No, thanks” and “Never again”. Next time you will be more prepared and educated, and no one ever will take advantage of you.
Self-love will bring you a lot of joy. You will never expect the same level of devotion from another human and learn that they actually cannot give it to you. We can partner or collaborate with decent people, but happiness is our own duty. No one else will bring it to you. This is where narcissists usually deceive us. They overpromise and pretend to contain all the shiny things we lack and seek. However, if we have these things, there’s no chance for them to succeed. You will be very-well armed with “no, thanks” and even “f*ck off” for special occasions.
My life is now full of meetings with true friends, sweet family time and interesting projects. I’m still healing and working on my hard memories to make them less painful. However, I get closer and closer to complete freedom from the past! Isn’t it exciting? I enjoy pleasing myself with whatever I feel I deserve in life, from trifles to big ambitious goals. I get enough rest and me-time whenever I can. I invent 1001 way to make myself happy. “YOU are the one who matter!” — that’s what I say to the lady in the mirror. I respect and love that lady. Myself.
I remember the times when I needed more blogging on NPD, and I am happy if my blog posts helped anyone. I’ve written this article to show to those who are still suffering that everything is possible. You need courage, patience, therapy and tons of joy. It’s hard but doable. You’ll be happy again. You’ll heal your soul. You’ll smile and laugh with relief.
Hugging every fellow survivor on that day. Celebrate yourself.
You’re wonderful. Me too!
