Moral Harassment Healing Series: Understanding the Trauma
Shocking experiences traumatize us. Abusers enjoy shocking cruelty, they provoke trauma and drama in their victims’ lives. They create these hard experiences deliberately so we could never forget them. They want to be meaningful at any cost. Since they cannot impress us with the good in them, they try to hit us with their evil. We get trauma after being abused.
Disclamer. This series is written by a moral harassment survivor, not a psychologist.
Their mind games damage our minds. The abuser humiliates us in front of others, this person neglects us, demonstrates that we are of tenth-twentieth priority to them, prefers communicating with others, and praises them to diminish us. We cannot react because the aggressor possesses power (this is why they actually dare to abuse us). We cannot answer or express our feelings in a healthy way, because they are able to punish us, depriving us of money, or relationship, or both. We hide our emotions, and they poison us from the inside.
This is as toxic as acid. Why do they do harm to us? They are emotionally disabled, with zero ability to feel healthy joy, love, or friendship. Some of those immature creatures may even kill people and taste their bodies in an attempt to feel anything beyond their usual boredom. This is why they need all these extreme things, this is why they prefer us to suffer and let them feel superior. What we categorize as torture, they find amusing. We’re their TV show because they don’t have normal empathy or compassion preventing them from crime.
Predators will just proceed with what they do replacing us with someone else, consuming other victims. We’ll have to deal with trauma, Stockholm syndrome, and some of us can even develop Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after abuse. Aggressors play not only with our minds but also with our bodies. They trigger emotions of deep affection and fear at the same time, so our ability to cope with this cocktail of hormones gets broken. Our body and mind go off the balance, and the abuser enjoys this fact because now they can call us “crazy” and “unstable”.
This looks fearful, right? It is horrible — the abuser will drive you closer to fatal diseases, mental issues, suicide, addictions distorting the entire reality around you. First, you need to escape and go no contact. Second, you need to understand the trauma and start healing it before it’s too late to restore your physical and mental health. Trauma means awful memories, painful facts that still hurt, mistreatment of any kind you cannot put up with. Basically, you start living in your past, like a war veteran who recalls fights and explosions again and again. This is harmful to your mental health.
Educate yourself about trauma. I would recommend you three great books by various authors, but you’ll be able to find more with these starting points.
“The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel van der Kolk is the best explanation of what has happened to you at both mental and physical levels. You’ll start to understand why you cannot digest all those memories, feel suspect and anger when they seem to be out of place. You’ll understand what triggers you and why. You’ll also find a few recommended ways to heal PTSD (this disorder can be severe or not, however, most abuse victims have these symptoms, and you’d better know about it and rate your mental health condition using PTSD tests and scales).
“Trauma and Recovery” by Judith Lewis Herman is another great book covering PTSD. It tackles trust issues you might have after the traumatic experience and provides a step-by-step model for recovery. Abuse does generate psychological trauma. You may face its consequences years after, and be misdiagnosed, this is why it is super important to read this classical book.
“Prepare to Be Tortured” by A.B. Jamieson will guide you through the nightmare of narcissistic relationships. Your abuser might be not having NPD, however, sadism and narcissism often go hand in hand, and you’ll surely find some narcissistic traits in the one who tortured you. When the demons are given their names, they are not so frightening. You’ll understand that it’s just a mental disorder and it wasn’t any special attitude aimed at you. Narcissists target all people, and they treat them equally badly. (They do some exceptions for those who create their current wellbeing, but they are toxic even when they depend on you…)
After you understand how deep your wounds are, you might feel rage. You might seek revenge. Accept this rightful anger — no one has the right to torture another human being, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Don’t be afraid of being enraged — this rage will give you fuel for healing.
Don’t call your abuser when you fully realize who they are — they will play with your feelings again blaming you for everything. Don’t speak to this insane and immature kid anymore. “Living well is the best vendetta”, — and it’s true. Your abuser will be yelling each time they hear good news about you. Create this good news and let them cry with envy. They will, please be sure.
