Moral Harassment Healing Series: Your Abuser Has Personality Disorders
Have you ever been shocked by someone’s puzzling behavior? The relationship started so well, but after a while you found yourself tortured, right? Backstabbing isn’t what you expect from a reliable business partner or someone who you are dating. (Predators hit those at work and at home almost equally…) Yet, these stabs in the back occur, first one by one, and then as a series. Abusers are moral killers trying to destroy your emotionally. They envy you and want to deprive you of your beautiful, capable, attractive, smart, reliable self. Why?
The answer is simple and plain: because they have severe personality disorders, incurable according to some psychiatrists (i.e. Freud said that narcissistic personality disorder cannot be cured). Abusers are emotionally disabled humans. They can have a great IQ, boast about their successful careers, impress others with fortunes on their bank accounts. Some aggressors even demonstrate ideal family relationships on social.
That’s stunning, right. According to common stereotypes, a person with a mental disorder cannot function normally. However, it might be different in certain cases. Narcissists gain a lot at work, but mostly thanks to their abused and exploited nameless servants building a personal brand for their Master… It’s better not to even guess what their family members experience behind closed doors… Sadism is the answer to why. These people simply like torturing others…
Disclamer. This series is written by a moral harassment survivor, not a psychologist.
In this blog, I use very vague terms, calling such people “predators”, “aggressors” and “abusers”. To be fair, I also avoid characteristics related to their sex or gender, people can be toxic regardless of who they are from this viewpoint. I was abused by a man, but I have two male friends who got abused by women lovers, one female friend who is experiencing real torture in a toxic relationship with her ex-friend-now-enemy, another female. Just recently I’ve read shocking news about girls who killed another girl for likes on social. So let’s beat violence and darkness where they settle down and speak justice, not gender. Though, of course, I hate violence against women and support campaigns for freedom and equality.
I am not a psychologist, this is why I rarely use here terms related to psychology, psychiatry, etc. However, you should know that people with certain mental disorders can be abusive, this is why I will describe here some of the issues abusers often have. Why? I remember myself completing the NPD victim questionnaire in the past, and I can tell you that this helped me a lot in understanding what has happened to me. This played a crucial role in my escape from the person who abused me. Of course, I am not a doctor and cannot diagnose anyone, however, the “most likely NPD” thought was enough for me to say “no” forever.
What you need to google first, is “dark triad”. Narcissistic personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder and Machiavellianism are the three issues that are common with abusers who have no morals and show no remorse. Predators lack empathy and don’t have compassion for their victims, which is not healthy and needs years of hard work with the therapist who could try to integrate their fake “almighty” ego and their true weak ego of a miserable kid overcompensating their childhood issues at the victims’ expense.
Narcissists exploit people and are 100% egomaniacs, sociopaths/psychopaths do bad things without feeling wrong about them, and both can combine other disgusting traits of character with Machiavellianism, which pre-assumes manipulations and moral indifference. Everything is done for gain, and the victim is the one to pay the price.
The dark triad monsters consume people, grabbing all their resources. Love, money, work contributions, networking with the ‘right’ or famous people. When the dark triad gets acquainted with you, they already start to figure out how they can use you for their prosperity. And this can go really far because they don’t care for your health, safety, and wellbeing. Moreover, sadistic and necrophilic patterns in their dark souls push them to destroy you because you are so bright and shiny. They find torture sexual, they feel sexual arousal when someone sacrifices themself to them.
I won’t go too deep into definitions, terms and differences between them, other people said enough about Narcissists, for example. Will just recommend you several resources that I personally found useful for healing myself:
- “Move Through To Thriving” mini-blog on Twitter
- “We are Warriors” publication on Medium
- Psychopathic Narcissist Survivor Support Group on Facebook
- Quora Q&A re: narcissists
Again, whatever it is called from the psychological viewpoint, you must admit that you are dealing with an insane person, a sadist, who won’t be sorry for their evil deeds. This riddle has a very simple solution. What looks overly strange and unusually cruel is just a sign of insanity. Will you rely on a sadistic person who loves destroying you? Will you let them humiliate you, use you, consume your resources and break down your life?
Choose yourself and protect your personality by escaping from your abuser. It won’t be easy, they’ve developed an addiction in you to keep you with them. This is what they learned very well, feeling their emotional dysfunction — for them manipulations, gaslighting, and lies of all kinds is the only way to keep victims close. Without this mask of normality, everyone would abandon them.
What is more important, insanity in them will bring up insanity in yourself. Saying a final NO to the abuser, leaving their organizations, inequal relationships they offer to you, forgetting everything they have ever promised you, you are saving your life and mental health.
Yeah, these destructive algorithms look like humans. However, they are not. Find other survivors and turn to the most important and respectful person in your life. Yourself!
