Moral Harassment Techniques for Victims’ Awareness: Comparison
When trying to compare you to someone else, destructive personalities gain superiority. Being the one compared to a rival weakens your self-esteem. You stop feeling your unique self deserving welfare and calmness. You transform yourself into a horse chasing the prize. The prize is, of course, the Master’s scarce praise to a Slave (I deliberately use these ‘strong’ words to make you understand how far you can go by granting permissions…)
Why do they compare? Because they don’t care! No one is good enough for them to ever be content. The psyche bend that occurred in early childhood put them into a fake ‘perfect’ persona. To support this large ego, they need worshipers. They create cults resembling smaller versions of NXIVM based on… comparison. Being not good enough makes us bring more to the table. And what if no one is good enough? Right, the Master’s table is full.
Disclaimer. This blog post is written by a former victim, not a psychology genius.
Comparison: What It Looks Like?
People practicing abuse, moral harassment & destructive manipulations, prefer to compare you to an ideal object. It might be a Renaissance statue, “that girl from the Playboy magazine”, a female relative that passed away years ago, or simply someone out of reach. At work, it might be a godlike founder who left the company, a brilliant but retired employee, or someone else no longer present for this or that reason. This static, fully controlled object is the desired one. The old joke says that necrophiles prefer ever-sleeping beauties. If your lively, joyful, energetic nature is not welcome as-is, it’s a bad sign. You might have encountered the destroyer, someone who would prefer to see you dead=controlled by 100% and therefore torturing you by endless comparisons.
For a change, a destructive personality might organize a victim-to-victim meeting with themselves playing the referee. Usually, the old victim who is already tired of the Master’s ego bumps and scratches meets the new and shining one. For the old one, it’s a warning saying: “If you stop obeying me, I have a replacement ready to be seduced!” For the new one, it’s another welcoming hook saying that a fantastic personality doesn’t have a decent match — their existing love or business partner looks a complete mess. However, in most cases, it’s someone good as you, tortured by the abuser for many years. They look insane because they are compared to each and every similar object. (The subject is the Master, of course!)
Comparison: Why It Works?
This works because your manipulator occupied the significant other’s throne in your head. That’s why their ratings mean a lot to you. You will end up seeking their admiration like a small kid wishing to get another hug from mommy. They grow their image in your head until they can gain that parental control over you. And the victim-to-victim comparison contributes to their welfare. In this situation of choice between two mice, they both start to learn new tricks to please the cat playing with them. The destroyer is the only one who wins here.
Comparison: Real-World Examples
The Nazi leader Adolf Hitler was dating multiple women. The most respected ladies in Munchen were funding him when he was young. The future founder of NXIVM cult, 13-year-old Keith Raniere had dozens of girls calling his house, and every girl was called special, the only one and the love of his life. Beyond the “love” card, abusers often play the “friendship” card if the victim doesn’t appeal to them sexually. Such victims are “invited” to participate in the Best Friend Competition to be crowned as the Best Friend to His/Her Majesty.
Comparison: What Else?
If your love or business partner helps you enter some community often positioned as ‘elite’, and you are shocked by the overly hostile welcome and the atmosphere of jealousy, it’s an obvious red flag. You are in the game where the Master’s old toys try to destroy the new toy. The worst thing is that you are a toy to the Master. Focus on it and skip the competition until it’s too late. The sad story of the NXIVM cult illustrates what “too late” might look like. You’ll be forced into doing things you will regret later.
Comparison: How to Protect Yourself From It?
The main mistake is underestimating yourself and overestimating the abuser. Don’t ever give a damn, despite all awards, articles, reputations, listings, fortunes, whatsoever. (Many of the “great deeds” are brought to them by victims… good as you!) Depend on your shining self (you do have one, as manipulators target the brightest minds, the most generous hearts, and the most beautiful souls to turn them into victims). By comparing you to others, the manipulator paves your way to your full self-sacrifice in their name. Ask the manipulator directly who has authorized them to compare YOU to anyone else. Be your unique self. Show off or calm down to please the best person in this world. It’s you, not them. Tell them that they are not the prize — in most cases, they don’t rank high on either dating or business market. They will get rid of you — and you’ll get rid of them. Something to celebrate, yeah!
Conclusion
No one on Earth has the right to diminish your personality. If someone you are dating continues to compare you to others, let them go chase that femme/homme fatale appealing to them. If they won’t go, prepare a plan to escape from them and have them blacklisted. In a work situation, employers are only authorized to provide an opinion regarding work, not the worker. Moreover, a sane person willing to achieve good results will collaborate with you to get things done properly and provide generous praise for what they like. If people try to compare you to someone else to make you top that second person, it’s an attempt to poison you with self-doubt. What will you do with the poisoner? Throw them away from your life.
