The Blue Shoes Initiative: Safety Harbor for Moral Harassment Survivors
To explain the avatar of this Medium Publication launched in November 2020, I need to share the Blue Shoes story and tell my readers more about the Blue Shoes Initiative.
The Blue Shoes Story
In the fall of 2019, Anastasia Yeshchenko, a postgraduate student aged 24, asked her parents to buy her a pair of blue shoes as a present. She invited them to St. Petersburg in order to introduce her boyfriend to the family. Back then she lived with her soon-to-be-husband, historian Oleg Sokolov aged 63.
On November 7, 2019 they had a quarrel as the girl wanted to join a group of her age to celebrate her friend’s birthday. Anastasia left her partner’s flat without a warm coat and called her brother Sergey reporting that Sokolov beat her. Sergey, who was living in another city, asked her not to go back to Sokolov’s flat. Anastasia had to do it as it was a freezing November night in St.Petersburg, Russia, and she had no warm coat on. This was a fatal mistake. When she got back to Sokolov’s flat, the argument continued. After a while, Sergey called his sister again, and she assured him that she put up with Sokolov. It was their last conversation. Around 2 or 3 am November 8, 2019 Sokolov shot his lover for the first time (one of the criminalists’ hypotheses said that she was sleeping and not expecting anything like that). Then he tried to choke her. Then he made three more shots in her head reloading the gun each time. The girl died…
The next day Sokolov welcomed his friends for a dinner, and they found no sign of the murder. After they left, he started to dismember the body throwing the packages out of the window in order not to carry them down the stairs. Then he carried them to the bank of the Moika river trying to get rid of them but was unable to get away from the water, being drunk. A passer-by called the emergency service, and Sokolov was caught red-handed with Anastasia’s arms in his backpack. The girl who was a brilliant student, gifted historian, painter and photographer never got her blue shoes. Instead, her parents had to buy her a wedding dress she was unable to enjoy…
Anastasia Misses Anastasia: Why I Care So Much
Shocked by the story, which was, honestly, very similar to one of my past life experiences, I was getting back to it again and again. I was lucky enough to escape it all before any real torture started. I was not so young and trusted my intuition that never let me feel relaxed when accompanied by a dangerous person. I was a tougher piece to digest. Still, I deeply understand Anastasia’s emotions. Numerous coincidences in our stories (including the dates…) and the lasting feeling of grief and loss of a gifted personality who could have contributed to many beautiful projects made me think that I need to do something about it. My name is Anastasia, my favorite color is blue. So no wonder that I bought a pair of nice blue shoes for myself.
And then I thought about her, the person with a similar name, robbed and deprived of all small bits of happiness that life had for her. No more shopping, no more new roads, no more dresses, smiles, meetings with her dear people. No brilliant career of a historian, no photos or paintings. So I decided to step in Anastasia’s blue shoes and help others protect themselves from psychological violence, which can easily become ‘real’ violence. I want people to become aware of moral harassment techniques and escape from toxic, destructive personalities — the earlier the better. Before addiction and chemistry make it impossible and let the worst things happen. Step into your Blue Shoes. Go away!
What We Can Do for Anastasia’s Blessed Memory?
On November 9, 2020, my good female friend and I went out for dinner to honor Anastasia Yeshchenko whom we never met. We called it Blue Shoes Day, the first anniversary of the day when the murderer was caught. I wrote a poem about Anastasia. I will dedicate my next novel to the blessed memory of this brilliant girl who passed away so early. Hopefully, we will try to also collect the book of her friends’ memories. (Many of them feel too stressed for it now being summoned to court, disturbed by journalists, etc…) You cannot do much in a situation when a person was killed.
We can prevent such murders though. Violence starts with the small steps manipulators take to get control over your mind and behavior. They will force you to fall for them and exploit your labor taking advantage of your talents. (Sokolov made Anastasia draw for him, work for him and instead of him, sacrificing her lifetime and interests to his goals.) If more people are educated about possible exploitation and psychological safety, toxic guys will have no chance to catch them.
The Blue Shoes Manifesto
However, my Blue Shoes Initiative is about moral harassment awareness, healing and mutual help. I have put together this simple list which anyone could use for helping out and coping with trauma.
- Dedicate time to self-care and self-healing as much as possible.
- Volunteer to help others get out if you know that they are endangered.
- Drive awareness about psychological violence and moral harassment. This is the first step to physical violence, and people should escape early.
- Provide victims and survivors with opportunities to feel valued in the outer world not controlled by their aggressors.
- Help isolated people to feel included in bonding events, assist them with developing new friendships which might save their lives (if Anastasia Yeshchenko could go to a friend in the night, she might have been alive today…).
- Whenever possible, help victims and survivors gain financial independence — provide recommendations, training, advice to the extent you can.
- Talk to people who survived moral harassment — they might be suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and blame themselves for what has happened to them.
Trust In People
Many victims remain controlled because they cannot admit that dangerous people do exist. They say that they will lose their trust in humans if they accept the fact that manipulators torture people to gain sadistic delight. For a kind, warm-hearted, empathic person it’s like a stroke. However, in most cases manipulators are not fully human — they suffer from severe mental disorders and are prone to sadism and necrophilia. Good people do exist, and they are ready to help each other. That’s what the Blue Shoes Initiative is about. People are still great!