40 Things I’d Tell My Younger Self Now That I’m 40

And I’ll Probably Forget by the Time I’m 50

1.

When you’re exposed to poison ivy, go home and take a shower immediately. But when you wake up the next day totally fine, don’t go and put on the same shorts that you were wearing before because they still have poison ivy on them dumbass!

2.

I’m genuinely astounded at the time and energy you spent trying to be in a relationship and obsessing over boys. Instead, don’t be so afraid of being alone. Cherish your independence and embrace the solitude.

3.

Online dating is a giant waste of time. If you had seen the dating profile of the person you ended up marrying you never would have gone out with him.

4.

Some of the things you’re scared of trying aren’t scary because you shouldn’t be doing them, they’re scary because you love them so much and don’t want to fail. But if you don’t even try you’ve already failed!

5.

Don’t make life decisions when you’re in a bad mood. Moods are moods. They are a temporary state of being that can be influenced by hunger, sleepiness, your period, being late, your period being late, or anything. Know when you’re in a mood and just chillax.

6.

Going backwards never works. When you go back to Atlanta, it won’t be the same. When you go back to San Francisco, it won’t be the same. If you go back to New York, it won’t be the same. Recreating the past isn’t possible, something will always be different and you will definitely be different, too.

7.

Your need to be perfect is soooo boring. Embrace your fuckups. Embrace your imperfections. Embrace what you’re not good at. Be exceptionally good at being not good at those things. You will stand out for that, not for being perfect.

8.

Always be willing to walk away. Never want something so badly that you’re willing to sacrifice everything for it. Have faith that if this doesn’t work out, something else will.

9.

Don’t put your heroes on pedestals and even if you admire them greatly, never admire them more than you admire yourself.

10.

Your best mentors will find you, not the other way around. Put yourself out there and be the best you can be. One day someone will want to help you. That person will be your mentor, and will help you more than you could’ve imagined.

11.

Serendipity is real. Say yes to things. Finish things. Try things. Even if there’s no obvious reason or benefit. You’ll be surprised at what crazy things will come out of them.

12.

Just because other people like something doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you if you don’t like it. Remember that guy you were with just because everyone else thought he was cool? Yeah, way to go on that.

13.

There’ll be a lot of waiting around in life. Waiting for a chance, waiting to hear back, waiting for the next thing. But if you ever find yourself just waiting for something to happen, find something to do instead. Never, ever just wait around. Talk to people. Do your makeup. Read a book. There’s always something you can be doing.

14.

Life goes around in circles. Something that may seem like the best thing ever might end up not being that great, and something that seems horrible might turn out to be the best thing that could’ve happened. The opposite of whatever’s happening right now is probably around the corner.

15.

Don’t be so scared of burning bridges that you never build any. It might make you anxious to get close to people or be too giving or have people start to expect things from you when you’re not sure you’ll always be able to deliver. But the alternative is not getting the chance to build real, meaningful, lasting connections with people.

16.

Take the list of things you want in a partner and change it to a list of things you want in yourself.

17.

That thing you’re worried about happening will never happen.

18.

That thing you’re not even thinking about happening will happen.

19.

If you have to complain, try doing it with a smile. Even if what you’re saying is negative, a smile will make it feel positive for both you and the person you’re complaining to.

20.

The conversations you have with people might feel meaningless, small talk might be painful, it might feel like just blah blah blah, but what you’re saying isn’t that important. Making connections is important. You don’t have to be the smartest, funniest person in the room. Just be the one most open to having a conversation that might go nowhere.

21.

Talk to your parents. Like, really talk to them. Ask them about their childhoods. Make them tell you all their best stories. There is so much you don’t know about them.

22.

It’s easier to go where people want you, and use that to get to where you want to be, then to go where people don’t want you and try to make them want you, then try to use that to get to where you want to be.

23.

Punishing shitty people isn’t your job.

24.

Your happiness is no one else’s job.

25.

Trying to impress your parents is a complete waste of time. They’re already proud of you. They just want you to be happy. So do what you want.

26.

Being likable is more important than being talented. But liking yourself is more important than other people liking you.

27.

To lose weight, eat less. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. You can exercise but then you’ll eat more so that might actually be worse than just eating less.

28.

You will waste tens of thousands of dollars on gym memberships and personal trainers. You hate gyms and you hate personal trainers. Okay maybe you can give the gym another try but never, ever, ever work with a personal trainer again, even if the first session is free.

29.

Don’t judge anyone without knowing the context and their circumstances, and even then, maybe don’t judge them.

30.

Your biggest competition is yourself.

31.

While you worry that other people are worried about what you’re doing, they’re doing the same thing.

32.

Saying “I love you” is a commitment. It does not mean “I think you’re pretty cool.”

33.

There’s something you can learn from every single person who crosses your path. Maybe strike up a conversation with that stranger sitting alone staring into space next to you at the coffee shop. Sure, the thing you learn could be, “I don’t want to talk to this person,” but even then, they might make a great character in a story.

34.

That dream you’ve had since you were a kid may not actually be the thing you want. Don’t feel bad about that. The sooner you accept it the quicker you can do something else.

35.

That dream you’ve had since you were a kid may actually be the thing you want, but it will still be a pain in the ass sometimes.

36.

Learn how to listen. Just listen. Not fix anything. Not judge. Listening without judgment is so much harder than trying to come up with a solution for everything but way, way more useful.

37.

When you’re 30 you’ll wish you were 20 again, when you’re 40 you’ll wish you were 30 again, so maybe whatever age you are you can just be happy you’re that age, ok?

38.

While you’re complaining about not having any friends, there’ll be people actively trying to hang out with you who you’ll be completely ignoring. Maybe stop ignoring them.

39.

You might think that weird hair growing on your face is gone but it’s not. It’s just gray now.

40.

Decades of applying an ungodly amount of heat to your hair has taken its toll, but it’s not too late to give it a break. Well, it might be too late in like, 10 years.

Sarah Cooper is an internationally recognized soothsayer.