Are You Ready to Say “I love you”?
When I was in my 20s (a long, long, long time ago according to my husband) I said “I love you” to my fair share of suitable suitors.
Each time I said it, I fully believed it. Looking back, though, I realize now it’s not that I didn’t mean what I said, it’s that I didn’t know the meaning of what I was saying.
In college I said ‘I love you,” to my boyfriend at the time, when I realized how incredibly kind, smart and sweet he was. But looking back, the feeling was really admiration.
I remember the moment I told my grad school boyfriend that I loved him. He was helping me clean up my living room and I looked over at him and felt such gratitude. I said “I love you,” but really the feeling was really appreciation.
I told another boyfriend, “I love you,” because he said it to me first and I didn’t want to disappoint him.
I can go back to any number of times I said “I love you,” and realize I was actually saying:
- Hey, I think you’re pretty cool
- You make me feel good
- I wish I was more like you
- I want you to like me
- I don’t want to be alone
- I feel sorry for you
But I wasn’t really saying, “I love you.”
I wasn’t really saying “I love you” because “I love you” doesn’t mean any of those things on their own or even together. Because “I love you” means more than what you feel about the person, it also means:
- I think about you when I’m not with you
- I am committed to you
- I want to support you in everything you do
- I want to make decisions about my life with you
- I don’t want to live my life without you
If you want to know if you’re ready to say “I love you,” try saying those things first.
“I love you” is not what I think of you or how you make me feel.
“I love you” is a promise. It is what I’m willing to do for you. And for us.
By the same token, when someone tells you that he loves you, make sure you know what he means by that, too.
If he says those words, but he hasn’t demonstrated what he’s willing to do for you, then he might not realize what “I love you,” means, either. Just like I didn’t.
