Ninety-Something Articles I Never Wrote

Sarah Cooper
sarahcpr
Published in
3 min readApr 7, 2016

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10 Signs He Dumped You

He Called You a Liar but No One Has To Know That

How Your Career Success Totally Turned Him Off

Show Him Who’s In Charge — By Texting Him

He Said He’s Married and Other Bullshit Excuses

Maximize Your Revenge While Minimizing Your Probable Jail Time

Will He Dump You? Not If You Dump Him First

He Dumped You Cuz You’re Insecure! And Kind of Chubby

My Guy Has a Wandering Eye… For Asian Mannequins.

How to Steal a Man the Classy Way

Cheating is Bad, but it Doesn’t Have to Be

He’s Having Sex With Other Women? He Could Be Cheating

I Found My Husband on Match.com! How Do I Confront Him?

When Reality Attacks: How to Protect the Lies You Tell Yourself

She’s Pregnant! How Do I Ask For a Paternity Test?

He Says You Cheated But You Didn’t Even Have an Orgasm

He Cheats Constantly, Can I Make it Work?

How to Pull Him Closer By Leaving the Country

How to Change Yourself For Him and Keep Most of Your Dignity

How to Send That Gay Guy Straight Into Your Arms

That Aloof Guy Might Just Be Slightly Autistic

Offering to Pay for Dinner is a Sign of Weakness

Reading Between the Dick Pics in his Match.com Profile

Shawty Whatchyonameis? Dating in Atlanta

When to Take the Death Threats Seriously

The Desperate Girl’s Guide to Settling for Less

Be That Crazy Psycho Bitch All Men Want

Make That Womanizer Womanize YOU

How to Fall in Love With a Rich Boring Asshole

How to Gradually Start Being the True You After He Proposes

Secrets of Dating the Black Man

If You Trust Him, Go Through His Stuff

What if My Love Language is Vodka?

You Know Him, But Do You OWN Him?

You’re Not in Love But Give it a Few More Years

Love Means Never Ratting Him Out to the Police

He Proposed on the First Date! But I Haven’t Heard From Him Since

Create Your Perfect Guy! Start By Calling Him Juan Pablo

Going Through His Garbage: How Far is Too Far?

10 Reasons to Love the Fact That You’re Going to Die Alone

My Best Friend’s Happiness Makes Me Sick

Even My Ugly Best Friend Has a Boyfriend!

Using Facebook to Stalk Your Ex-boyfriend’s New Girlfriend’s Mom

You Could Be Bitter OR… All Men Could Really Suck

You Should Contact Your Ex. Or Maybe Not. But Maybe You Should.

Finding Love Again After Realizing You Don’t Really Deserve It

10 Signs Your Imaginary Relationship is in Trouble

Help! My Boyfriend’s a Neo-Nazi

My Mom Thinks He’s Chinese, Is She Right?

So You Married a Google Engineer

When to Say You’re Sorry (Hint: NEVER)

The Only Way to Really Get to Know Him: Google

Turning Booty Calls to Wedding Bells

Ten Ways to Get Pregnant Without Him Knowing

Giving Her the Silent Treatment Without Saying a Word

Dick Broke: Using His Impotence to Your Advantage

Fake Orgasms, REAL Engagement Ring

He Wants a Blowjob, Is He Coming Onto Me?

If He Doesn’t Give You Oral HE’S The Pussy

Viagra Gone Wrong: Pitfalls of Dating Older Men

The Smart Way to Find a Fuck Buddy at Work

God Wants You to Slut it Up

On a First Date, Sex Should Happen Naturally; Second Date: Mechanical

Ten Things Your Boyfriend Likes Less Than a Blowjob

Strangling Your Great Aunt: Top Ten Euphemisms for Masturbation

How to Make Her Come in Less Than 5 Hours

Hitler_Lover69: Ten Usernames You Won’t Find on J-Date

How to Get Sexual Satisfaction from Everyday Devices

How to Pretend You’re Moving On After He Cheated

How to Get Him to Stop Looking at Other Women

How to Get Your Self-Esteem From Internet Dating Sites

Using Your Vagina to Get What You Want

Ten Things You Need to Say With a Straight Face

Getting Him to Forget the Conditions of Your Pre-nup

Getting Him to Give Up on Butt Sex

Unearthing the elusive male orgasm

When to Give it Up: How Much is Your Pussy Worth?

Top 6 situations when airing your junk out in public is OK and even suggested

Top 10 ways to get your girlfriend to drop the charges

Is He Just Using Me For My Ideas?

5 ways prostitutes can save your marriage

5 techniques to keep him in bed and out of your nanny

8 signs your husband is using the microwave to pleasure himself

7 ways to get her to dump you

7 places to go when you don’t want to be seen with her

7 best cities to find desperate women

How to get through life without understanding women

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