The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel’s Guide to Breaking into Stand Up Comedy
It’s a breeze
Stand up comedy can be a tough world to break into. It can take years of painful soul searching, disappointing performances, and pounding the pavement day in and day out with very little reward. Or… it can be a total breeze! Check out my tips for breaking into stand up comedy.
Putting together your first set
Before you get up on stage, you have to know what you’re going to say. I wrote all my ideas in a notebook and kept it with me at all times until I lost it behind 3 racks of dresses I’ve only worn once in a spare room I use as a walk-in closet. You should definitely get a notebook for the first few weeks of your stand up comedy career but then you can lose it, too, because all your best material will magically come to you while you’re on stage — no writing necessary!
Doing open mics
Open mics are a great way to rework your material to see what punchlines land best. Hit up a few open mics while your nanny, mother, or soon-to-be ex-husband watch your two kids, aged 5 and 1 and a half. Your choices for free on-demand childcare will be endless. Once you have a few open mics under your belt, you won’t ever have to go to another one because you’ll be booked on paying shows where you can riff on whatever comes to mind and instinctively know the best timing and phrasing to get a round of applause from any crowd.
Getting a tight five
Putting together 5 minutes of a solid stand up set takes at least a few days. A tight 10 might take up to a week. It can be a pain, especially when you’re going through a divorce and have a fulltime job and live with your parents and your hair must always be salon-styled. The good news is that as soon as you have your tight 10, you can perform it once and then throw it away, just like that notebook. Performing brand new material every time you get on stage is exhilarating and easy and guaranteed to succeed 100% of the time.
Finding your voice
Finding your voice as a stand up comedian means deeply knowing who you are as an artist and a human being. It’ll take a day or two.
Bombing
You will bomb. Once. And, yes, feelings of self-doubt and imposter syndrome may rear their ugly heads but it’s nothing an afternoon of shopping won’t cure. Remember: you have so much money.
Getting a Manager
Remember those open mics? Well, they’re the perfect place to find a manager. From the back of that dimly lit room, she’ll see you and instantly fall in love with you. You’ll be her only client. When you leave the city for 2 months without telling her, she’ll not only understand, she’ll also follow you to wherever you go and book you gigs wherever you are.
Being a female comedian
Many female comedians say they are judged by different standards. They are scrutinized for what they wear, shunned from society, and not given a fair chance. However, from my experience, if you always look gorgeous and never make a mistake none of these standards will apply to you. Or perhaps they will apply to you but you’ll never have to address them.
Putting together a stand up comedy album
The best way to put together an album is to have someone secretly record the very first set you ever did. Sure, you were drunk and had no idea you were even doing comedy but you were naturally brilliant. It’ll be a bestseller.
Opening for a more established comedian
Opening for a well-known comedian will be your first big gig. Getting someone famous to notice you will mean you have to be in the right place at the right time and be absolutely fire on stage. Luckily, this happens to you constantly.
Doing your first late night television set
As a standup comedian in New York with a year-long career of sporadic performances under your belt, your chances of getting on television are very, very good. Once you’re standing there on that stage in front of the camera for the first time ever in your life, remember a few things:
- You can say whatever you want. NBC, CBS and ABC all love comedians who improvise on live television.
- Don’t feel the need to stay on any mark, the camera will follow you.
- Make sure your manager chats with all the directors, producers, line editors, cameramen and sound engineers so that they’re all doing their best to make you look good.
Headlining
Expect to start headlining a 30-city tour shortly after your first television gig. Do an hour of new material at every stop. Yes, 30 hours of new material.
Hosting your own late night show
One night on your stop in LA, you’ll casually wander onto the set of the biggest late night talk show on television. A producer will mistake you for the fill-in host and you’ll find yourself doing the opening monologue for 72 million people. It will be awkward at first…but then… you will absolutely kill. In fact, since you don’t know how to use the teleprompter, you’ll make up one liners on the spot, exciting the producers who now no longer have to hire writers. They will rename the show after you and you will become the biggest name in late night television.
Creating, writing, producing and starring in your own sitcom
While auditioning for a small bit part on someone else’s show, you are discovered by the most powerful executive producer in Hollywood. He will see you and decide you are no supporting character actor, you must have your own show. Within a few days you’ll be the star of your very own I Love Lucy. You will shoot over 500 episodes.
Writing a New York Times bestselling memoir
With your worldwide fame and your natural aptitude for creating material, your memoir takes only a few minutes to write and is an instant New York Times bestseller.
Owning your own network
A network will be gifted to you by Rupert Murdoch himself. It will be called Mrs. Maisel’s Media Maven and it’ll make everyone say MMMM.
Figuring out how to hold the mic
Sadly, you never quite get this.
Sarah Cooper is a writer who is also unsure of how to hold a mic.
