Two trades that will surely shake up Atlanta University Center
By: C. Isaiah Smalls, II
The NBA trade deadline is one of the most polarizing events in sports. Teams looking to make the playoff push feast off of their inferior counterparts. Big names are dealt, rumors are confirmed and picks are coveted like the last Oreo.
With all of the buzz surrounding the NBA, what would happen if Morehouse and Spelman could exchange valuable commodities such as athletic facilities, alumni or courses? While the pandemonium that ensues around the trade deadline surely will not compare to that of the NBA, the possibility for blockbuster trades still exists.
There is only one disclaimer: for the purpose of this exercise, both Morehouse and Spelman have opted to become co-ed institutions.
TRADE #1: MOREHOUSE RECEIVES READ HALL WELLNESS CENTER/ SPELMAN RECEIVES ARCHER HALL, & RIGHTS TO METRO BOOMIN
Here’s the deal: Archer Hall just isn’t big enough anymore. Constructed in 1958, Archer used to be the home court for the Maroon Tigers basketball team. According to the morehouse.edu, Archer can hold roughly 1000 and is only 53,808 sq. ft; its days of hosting anything other than intramural or pickup are long over.
On Saturday afternoons, Archer resembles a watering hole on a 100ºF day in the African savanna. If one can muscle their way through the crowd, they’ll see a full-sized gym that has been converted into two small side courts, covered wall-to-wall with bodies waiting for their Jordan moment. It’s humid, loud and the smell of competition lingers in the air.
While it’s historical importance is clear, the men of Morehouse have simply outgrown Archer. The Read Hall Wellness Center would be its perfect replacement. At 61,600 sq. ft, according to brasfieldgorrie.com, it’s spacious and allows the Morehouse community to engage in a variety of different activities like yoga and indoor track.
At Morehouse, brotherhood and camaraderie is important. Therefore, Spelman will still have full-time acess to the Wellness Center.
Other than Archer’s underwhelming basketball gym, there are still positives. For the aquatic Spelmanites, Archer’s main attraction is its full-length swimming pool. Additionally, it holds a weight room fully equipped with mirrors and an inspirational quote spray-painted on the wall, game rooms incessantly blaring MTVU and a cardio room with the only flat-screen that happens to have a remote.
To sweeten the deal, Morehouse will throw in the rights to the 11-time Platinum record producer and one-semester attendee Metro Boomin. As a peripheral alumnus, Metro semi-frequently pops up in Statz Barbershop and is usually available for pictures. Feel free to sprinkle the “my Spelman brother” in the caption like Salt Bae.
TRADE #2: MOREHOUSE RECEIVES 4-CREDIT COURSES, RIGHTS TO ROSALIND BREWER/ SPELMAN RECEIVES CHICK-FIL-A & 3-CREDIT COURSES
With this trade, Morehouse is able to solve two of its biggest problems: alumni donations and on-time graduation rates. A study done by US News between 2012–2014 ranked Morehouse eighth in terms of alumni donations with only 15.5-percent of graduates giving back. Spelman, on the other hand, ranks third at 37.4-percent.
Obtaining the rights to Rosalind Brewer is the first step in reversing Morehouse’s anemic donating numbers. In 2012, Brewer broke down barriers in the corporate world when she became the first woman as well as African-American CEO in Sam’s Club’s history. Although Brewer recently decided to step down from her position, her presence still serves a purpose.
Not only would Brewer make a great addition as a speaker in Morehouse’s Crown Forum series, her former $11,664,423 annual compensation, according to richestlifestyle.com, allows for extremely generous donations even if she is currently unemployed. Furthermore, adding her to Morehouse’s long list of notable alumni would attract more students looking to emulate Brewer’s accomplishments in the business world.
Morehouse’s next issue, while admittedly not as problematic as the former, is in its on-time graduation rates. According to the data collected by collegefactual.com in 2015, Morehouse graduates first-time, full-time students in a reasonable time (two to four years depending on the degree) at a rate of 39.5-percent. Spelman, conversely, graduates 67-percent.
One of the main factors contributing to this disparity is that a majority of Spelman’s classes are four credit courses which allows students to meet graduation requirements quicker. Too many fifth, six and even seventh year seniors still scour the Morehouse campus like hungry hyenas searching for that last credit.
To combat these problems, Morehouse must trade away its most valuable commodity: the Chick-Fil-A on Brown street. Morehouse’s Chick-Fil-A is the second most frequented place in the AUC right behind Robert W. Woodruff Library, or Club Woody as it’s colloquially known.
For two and a half years, gullible freshman have been getting finessed out of their DCBs or flex dollars by the women of CAU & Spelman. No longer will this be an issue. The power will belong in the hands of the only students in the AUC that graduate with two degrees: one in their desired major, the other in finesse.
While this light-hearted exercise may seem biased to some, the fact of the matter is that Morehouse is way behind the “renovation” eight ball. There is a reason that productions like Hidden Figures or MacGyver chose to film on Morehouse’s campus: it resembles a college lost in time.
Way too many buildings were built when the college’s own students weren’t equal citizens in the eyes of the law. Even if the budget is tight, something has to give. With all of the wonderful renovations happening all around the AUC, the time for Morehouse to grow into the 21st century is now or risk falling into obscurity.
C. Isaiah Smalls, II is a junior at Morehouse College in Atlanta, Georgia. He is majoring in Cinema, Television and Emerging Media Studies and minoring in Journalism and Sports. Born in Lansing, Michigan, Smalls spent the first half of his life in Columbus, Ohio and the latter in Bear, Delaware.
