Image: Michal Hazior

How to Walk in New York City

(Even for New Yorkers)

For 3 years I’ve walked to work almost every day. No matter where I’ve lived or where my office is, I’ve always had at least a 25 minute walk. During these years I’ve discovered some rules, techniques and general manners of the sidewalk.

What many people don’t understand is that it’s a commute not a walk. If you were going to work or to a store anywhere other than a big city, you’d be driving a car. In the city walking is your form of transportation. I just choose to walk in a Porsche.

In an effort to clean up the streets, here they are, in no particular order:

1. The fastest way from A to B is not a straight line, zigzag by always going for the walk signal, you should never have to wait at a crosswalk. (This is pretty well known for New Yorkers)
2. Always stay outside closest to the street, more on that later.
3. It’s ok to text as long as you’re moving faster than anyone else.
4. Look ahead to see if the signal countdown starts. If there’s no countdown, a flashing signal means you have at least 10 seconds.
5. Cars always mean stop. At the end of the day, getting hit by a car might kill you.
6. Avoid J walking just on principle. If you expect cars and bikes to follow the rules, so should you.
7. If there’s a crowded corner waiting at a signal, wiggle through crowd to get closest to street or just walk on the street to pass everyone.
8. If you’re walking because someone else went first, you lost.
9. Know your terrain and know where you are going.
10. Bikers going the wrong direction on a bike path or street should be a felony.
11. Always close tightly on veering walkers, make them think it’s their fault that they ran into you.
12. It’s ok to buzz by people not paying attention like a fighter jet. Actually it’s encouraged.
13. But know whom you can brush up against and whom you can’t.
14. Wear headphones.
15. Children you should stop for. Elderly should move out of the city.
16. Yes I’m walking as I write this.
17. Someone making a dead stop gives you the right to plow them over. They know that.
18. Use a tactic I call “diagonal-to-death” when groups ahead are in a square. It’s tricky but start from the far left slowly encroaching in front of the person at the back left, the two individuals will drift closer to the street and once they realize they’ve run out of curb they will stop dead in their tracks and that usually leaves you enough room to split the group ahead since the pack gets discombobulated.
19. “Splitting the hair” is also a very tricky technique. This is when you are side by side with someone and there are one or two people walking straight at you. This is all about timing, judge the person’s speed ahead, do a short stutter step to cut off the person ahead of you. Sometimes you’ll need to twist your body if the timing was too close.
20. A line of people of two or three ahead or two people holding hands… Just yell at them.
21. Don’t walk and drink coffee unless you have a straw. Trying to drink a coffee while moving slows you down significantly.
22. Walk through major parks like the Greenmarket at Union Square. It may seem odd since it’s crowded but there’s much more space to move. The time you save not having to look and potentially stop at the crosswalks is worth it.
23. Do not stand holding your phone out while texting, no one will feel bad if it gets knocked out.
24. Remember, short strides and quick side steps when in crowded sections.
25. “Swervers” are those people who move back and forth ahead of you, seemingly getting in your way on purpose. Yell at them too.
26. Some people will admire your walking skills, but not many.
27. Let them sense your presence by walking close. Tourists will back off.
28. When taking a left side instead of right (the non polite way) look down and ignore eye contact.
29. Always give yourself a left turn. See #1.
30. Sometimes you have to duck under scaffolding.
31. A group of people standing in middle of the sidewalk should also be a felony.
32. Sometimes you will have to walk on the street. Just make sure there are no cars in your way.
33. Positioning is everything.

*Many of you may think I am rude and probably the worst to walk with. I agree with you.

**h/t Frank M. — The most beast city walker I’ve ever seen.