Grandad Jokes, Batch #14
From the section “Nonsensical Science, Philosophy, History and Religion” in the book Grandad Jokes
351
When the literature professor retired,
he went into
the deconstruction business.
352
There’s after shave.
Why not after life?
Law’d be praised.
Unlaw’d be damned.
Just-is be served.
353
A religion based on marijuana
would use water instead of wine in its services,
potable water.
354
Oh what dreams pipes would dream,
if pipes could dream.
355
The preacher put a billboard on the side of his old dilapidated church
saying
“Repaint! Repaint!”
356
He was the soul proprietor
of a meditation business.
357
The disappointed monk
lashed out at his spirtual teacher:
“You will guru the day…”
358
An advertisement
for religious and philosophical tolerance
is an eclectic plug.
359
The yoga teacher gave Christmas presence.
360
Eve was on a soccer team.
She played left rib.
361
Suggested title of book of criticism of literary criticism —
Literature Remilked
or Second-dairy literature.
362
The best time of day for writing is I AM
363
Green cards should be issued for planting trees and other acts that combat climate change.
364
Panic at sight of the exit sign — Exit-stential fear.
365
Definition of heaven —
All of the above.
366
God is useful as a scapegoat.
If He didn’t exist, we’d have to invent him.
367
In his old age,
Kant became interested in music,
advancing from das ding
to das dingaling.
368
A glorious morning.
The mountains playing peak-a-boo with the clouds.
369
When a tweet has the length, structure, and flavor of haiku,
it should be known as tweeku.
370
Synonym for “sweat of the brow” —
percepation.
371
Instead of trying to reverse climate change,
he became a barber,
in hopes that he might shave the world.
372
In heaven, no one has face-to-face meetings.
All communication is virtuous.
373
Pindar was a bookie
at the ancient Olympic Games,
famous for his Pindaric Odds.
374
Over the years,
the artist tried many styles using
many different materials
until he recognized the potential of cosmetics
and focused on real-lipstick art.
375
Nothing lasts,
but some things can first.
