Grandad Jokes, Batch #18
Excerpt from the section Never Grow up in the Book Grandad Jokes
26
Did you hear about the comedian who became a banker?
He was great at funs management.
27
A Mormon elder drove his family crazy saying everything in the form of a quote from the Bible; until a son dared talk back,
“Say it, don’t pray it.”
28
There’s an area outside of Washington with lots of exercise and diet businesses.
It’s known as the Beltway.
29
What was the name of Count Dracula’s newsletter?
Good Even Ink.
30
What did the orange juice say to the rain?
“Stop. I’m trying to concentrate.”
31
What’s the best way to watch a collision?
With a collide-o-scope.
32
What’s a good name for a dating service for mermaids and mermen?
Aqua Mate.
33
The tax accountants get together every year after the tax deadline and share their successes and congratulate one another.
It’s a mutual depreciation society.
34
The witches from Macbeth would have made terrible baseball umpires because they thought that fair is foul and foul is fair.
35
Where do you find lots of black sheep?
In Lower California.
You’ve heard of baja baja black sheep.
36
Praying to Baggus,
the god of lost luggage
37
What Virginia river is well-known as a pop singer?
Rappa-hannock.
38
What do you call a dog bought for jogging exercise?
Lap dog.
39
When an Englishman meets a cup of tea in the street, how does he greet him?
Hi, tea.
40
What do you call a mechanized device for rowing a boat?
A row bot.
41
Why should you never get into a taxi driven by a witch?
Because the fare is foul.
42
A mailman gave his girlfriend an engagement ring.
The next day he gave her another one.
She asked why.
He replied that the postman always rings twice.
43
Where do medical examiners shop?
The coroner store.
44
When a computer has one problem after another, what do you call that?
A son of a glitch.
45
What did the pain say when treated with a muscle relaxant?
I got to get out of this joint.
46
What did the webmaster give his web site?
A birthday gif.
47
Why was the Toyota afraid of dogs?
Because he heard that they are car-nivores.
48
Why was the island dropped from a list of best destinations?
Because she had a bad latitude.
49
Where did the convict go to live when he was released from prison?
An ex-con-dominium.
50
In a string quartet, which instrument is traditionally played by a fish?
The bass fiddle.
