Grandad Jokes, Batch #19
Excerpt from the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
51
What did the lady of little means do with her clothes when she lost 60 pounds?She took them to church to be altared.
52
What kind of background music should you play on Christmas Eve?
A wrapsody.
53
What do they call Internet connectivity on an airplane?
Why fly.
54
What do you call a mythical bird who runs an employment agency?
A jobberwocky.
55
Who was named Middle Eastern champion of Latin American dance?
The cha of Iran.
56
What is the perfect gift for an ex on the occasion of the breakup?
A piece of rope with a knot in the middle —
a forget me knot.
57
What do you call schooling designed for children of wealthy families?
Heir conditioning.
58
Why was the prime minister of England upset when he went to a restaurant in New Guinea?
The menu included “prime rib.”
59
A man who moved from the city to the country woke up and said,
“It’s a beautiful day — not a crowd in the sky.”
60
What is the name of a popular gossip column in the Land of Electrons?
Current Affairs.
61
Terms of endeerment:
fawn, doe, buck.
63
Better read than dead,
said the book.
64
I’m on a roll,
like a pad of butter.
65
What happened when Kafka jumped on a trampoline?
The Czech bounced.
66
How do you open a dorsh?
With a quiche.
67
What apartment did Hamlet live in?
2B.
68
What made people think Superman is generous?
His large S.
69
Why do lumberjacks make good computer users?
They have lots of experience logging in and logging out.
70
In medieval Germany, before the legends of Santa Claus, there was a mythic character who every Christmas gave little girls necklaces.
He was known as Saint Necklace.
71
What does a grouchy vegetarian say?
Bah hummus bug.
72
Which cartoon character is famous for his weight loss diet?
Yoghurt Bear.
73
Why was the bureau accepted at Yale?
Because it was a smart dresser.
74
Which of King Solomon’s spouses was in charge of Internet connectivity?
Wife five.
75
How do clocks celebrate their victories?
With ticker parades.
