Grandad Jokes, Batch #21

Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine
2 min readOct 31, 2021

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Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the “Never Grow Up” section of the book Grandad Jokes

101

An age-old question was resolved by Emily Post.

When serving dinner, egg always comes before chicken.

102

When Columbus sailed to America, he sailed in the Santa Maria.

When the Pope sailed to America, he sailed in the Ave Maria.

103

What is the science of measuring carbs?

Gastro-economics

104

What did the lizard want to be when he grew up?

A newt reporter

105

Where do the best Japanese comedians come from?

Joke-ohama

106

Who is the Korean messiah?

The Chosen One

107

What did Moses say to the Red Sea?

Parting is such sweet sorrow.

108

What’s the favorite dance of armored vehicles?

The tank-o

109

When a submarine misbehaves, what do you call it?

Naughty-less

110

Which animal is known for its drug addiction?

The crackodile

111

What do you call a chef who specializes in linguine?

A linguist.

112

When the head chef ran into difficulties, he always told his staff,

“There is no in-supper-able problem.”

113

Did you hear about the American tourist who didn’t want to exchange her dollars when she went to Europe?

She was afraid of getting a euro tract infection.

114

What’s a good name for a business providing financial advice for the beef industry?

Cow Jones

115

A guy just got back from a long trip.

“How was the flight?” asked his friend.

“The coach was fine, but the six horses made it a bit crowded.”

116

What’s the name of the cat who ruled China?

Meow tse tung

117

What did Chaucer say to a cleric on the way to Canterbury?

Howdy, pardonner.

118

When one mistake leads to another, what do you call it?

Son of a glitch

119

Where do dogs sleep when they go camping?

In a pup tent

120

When a ghost opened a little shop on the corner, what did he call it?

A boo-tique

121

The traveler’s law —

Baggage expands to fill the space available.

122

What do you say when UPS arrives at your door?

How now brown truck?

123

What do you call an electronic music gadget with three legs?

A tripod

124

An ancient Chinese boardgame

that men play sitting on benches

waiting for their wives who are shopping —

Pa Jong

125

What’s the title of the autobiography of a famous Italian gourmet?

Remembrance of Time Pasta

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other jokes, stories, poems and essays.

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Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com