Grandad Jokes, Batch #24
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
176
What do you call an ancient Chinese vase that makes a siren sound in case of theft?
Alarm Ming.
177
What is the highest rank in the army of corn?
Kernel.
178
Among the Fates, the one who took care of the details did the knitting.
That’s where we got the expression
“knitty-gritty details.”
179
It wasn’t her fault.
She was born with a devious septum.
180
What did Leonardo da Vinci say when he was hungry?
Polymath wants a cracker.
181
A struggling artist changed careers and became a paramedical
because he was good at drawing blood.
182
Alternate title for “The Wind in the Willows” —
“The Toad Less Travelled.”
184
Gabriel returned to Heaven in a panic
after he saw ads for
angel cake and baked wings.
185
When Cher got a job as a paralegal,
it was an act of charity.
She worked pro Bono.
186
The comedian who got an award for his work after he died was honored
post humorously.
187
For whom the
road tolls.
The epic story of the invention of EasyPass.
188
The IRS should hold audits in an auditorium.
Like a colosseum, only with accountants instead of lions.
Much scarier,
in keeping with “truth in intimidation” regulations.
189
Drop the second “b” from bible and you get bile.
That’s the hidden meaning of 2 b or not 2 b.
190
Where did the archaeologist couple meet?
On a carbon dating site.
191
The Iliad as Christmas story —
I sing the wreath of Achilles…
192
Apple was going to introduce an electronic bunny for Easter.
But the name
Ihop
was already taken.
193
How many jokes would a wood chuckle chuckle, if a wood chuckle would chuckle?
194
How do you indicate shading in a Twitter message?
With cross hashing.
195
Imagine a little kid who enjoys playing with his toy boat in the toy-let.
He suddenly has diarrhea and learns an important life lesson —
Loose shits sink ships.
196
Growing up:
Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mess, Messier, Messiest, Messiah, Masseuse.
197
Credo of the humorist:
He whose laughs last, laughs best.
198
She was very timely.
She was born on her birthday,
and she delivered her baby on Labor Day.
199
Nickname of The Association of Concussed Football Players —
The Collective Unconscious.
200
Name of legendary frontier podiatrist —
Paul Bunion.
