Grandad Jokes, Batch #24

Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine
2 min readNov 15, 2021

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Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes

176

What do you call an ancient Chinese vase that makes a siren sound in case of theft?

Alarm Ming.

177

What is the highest rank in the army of corn?

Kernel.

178

Among the Fates, the one who took care of the details did the knitting.

That’s where we got the expression

“knitty-gritty details.”

179

It wasn’t her fault.

She was born with a devious septum.

180

What did Leonardo da Vinci say when he was hungry?

Polymath wants a cracker.

181

A struggling artist changed careers and became a paramedical

because he was good at drawing blood.

182

Alternate title for “The Wind in the Willows” —

“The Toad Less Travelled.”

184

Gabriel returned to Heaven in a panic

after he saw ads for

angel cake and baked wings.

185

When Cher got a job as a paralegal,

it was an act of charity.

She worked pro Bono.

186

The comedian who got an award for his work after he died was honored

post humorously.

187

For whom the

road tolls.

The epic story of the invention of EasyPass.

188

The IRS should hold audits in an auditorium.

Like a colosseum, only with accountants instead of lions.

Much scarier,

in keeping with “truth in intimidation” regulations.

189

Drop the second “b” from bible and you get bile.

That’s the hidden meaning of 2 b or not 2 b.

190

Where did the archaeologist couple meet?

On a carbon dating site.

191

The Iliad as Christmas story —

I sing the wreath of Achilles…

192

Apple was going to introduce an electronic bunny for Easter.

But the name

Ihop

was already taken.

193

How many jokes would a wood chuckle chuckle, if a wood chuckle would chuckle?

194

How do you indicate shading in a Twitter message?

With cross hashing.

195

Imagine a little kid who enjoys playing with his toy boat in the toy-let.

He suddenly has diarrhea and learns an important life lesson —

Loose shits sink ships.

196

Growing up:

Miss, Ms., Mrs., Mess, Messier, Messiest, Messiah, Masseuse.

197

Credo of the humorist:

He whose laughs last, laughs best.

198

She was very timely.

She was born on her birthday,

and she delivered her baby on Labor Day.

199

Nickname of The Association of Concussed Football Players —

The Collective Unconscious.

200

Name of legendary frontier podiatrist —

Paul Bunion.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other jokes, stories, poems and essays.

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Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com