Grandad Jokes, Batch #26
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
202
The little old lady who swallowed a fly died of
insect inside poisoning.
203
Name for American fast food chain in Japan —
Yankee Noodle Dandy.
204
Future bestseller — Harry Potter’s Field of Dreams.
205
The witch accidentally transformed a friend into a fiend.
Spellcheck didn’t help.
206
A Hindu app lets you know what you will be born as next
(which depends on when you die and the current state of your soul).
When facing life-or-death situations,
it’s good to know your options.
207
What college did Voldemort graduate from?
Villain Nova.
208
Fake rumor:
Apple is diversifying into upscale alcoholic beverages.
They’re going to call their first product
Apple Cider,
and their second
iDrink.
209
The whole body
of his work
was comic.
His funny bone was humerus
and he had a fun knee.
210
She was very careful about her driving
because she knew that car-sin-oma
is a serious problem.
211
Gallows humor:
Why are you hanging out here?
I’m just getting the hang of the place.
The gall of the man.
He was well hung, but women weren’t interested in him.
212
Which state is renowned for its cellphone usage?
Text-us.
213
When the unnamable villain from Harry Potter retired, he went into the real estate business, founding Vol-de-mortgage.com.
214
Russian software for hacking medical equipment — E(KG)B.
215
The early inhabitants of Scotland invented the camera.
That’s why they were called the Picts.
216
Why did the Texan hire a ghost writer?
Because he needed a ghost to scare away the rattlesnakes.
217
What is the best exercise for stockings?
Running.
219
A big black bird landed on Edgar Allan Poe’s shoulder.
He couldn’t scare it away and couldn’t pull it off.
He thought he was going crazy until a friend pointed out that this wasn’t a raven.
It was a vel crow.
220
A new musical
about twin kings of Siam —
The Gem and I.
221
The Amish comedian traveled by
horse and giggle.
222
What do you call a flock of laughing geese?
A giggle.
223
A builder promised his novelist girlfriend that he would help her achieve her dream.
He took her to his construction site, led her to the basement, and gleefully exclaimed:
“Here is your best cellar!”
224
The aspiring author became a sailor
so he could write a naval.
