Grandad Jokes, Batch #30
301
What Olympic sport are Poles destined to excel at?
Ski-ing.
302
When the Pope drank too much communion wine,
Luke Skywalker helped him home.
Hence he became known as
Tight Pope Walker.
303
The symptoms were numb and getting number,
so the mathematician added two more,
and said “Be nine.”
And indeed it was benign.
304
Which member of Robin Hood’s band was on the cover of GQ Magazine?
Friar Tux.
305
Which member of Robin Hood’s band was famous for his sermons about incontinence?
Friar Tux.
306
Which member of Robin Hood’s band cooked the most unhealthy dishes?
Fryer Tuck.
307
Which member of Robin Hood’s band was a notorious adulterer?
Will Scarlet Letter.
308
Why did the Englishman buy a dozen eggs and kiss them?
He loved egg snog.
309
To lose weight
only eat the tip of the iceberg
lettuce.
310
The doctor went to yoga class religiously
and stretched and twisted until finally he could touch the back of his head with his foot.
He had read in the Bible, “Physician, heel thyself.”
311
When the couch potatoes swore,
the cook apologized for them,
“Pardon my French
fries.”
312
New cartoon TV series —
The Symptoms.
Episode 1 =
One flu over the cuckoo’s nest.
313
He worked hard at his golf game
and eventually earned a handicap of 36,
the max.
He was delighted.
Now he could use handicapped parking everywhere.
314
When the three-year-old dropped a nickel in his piggy bank,
the nickel jumped for joy —
he was saved.
315
The seafood lover was delighted
when he heard about the
re-clam-nation project.
317
Cheer up. Have faith.
After dis appointment
comes dat appointment.
318
The caviar dreamed of
making the roe team.
319
The role of the Senate in dealing with nominations
is advise and conceit.
320
She self-published with a 3D printer
and made a thousand copies of herself.
321
“I’m looking for something for sticky fingers.”
“A napkin?”
“No. Money.”
322
He submitted his work to agents in a cascade —
first tear,
then second tear,
then third tear.
323
He entitled his novel “Between the Lines”
so everybody would read it.
324
He is taking a class in January.
If that goes well, he’ll study February next.
325
Traveler’s checks for time travelers at bargain prices.
Pay now and cash them in for ten times as much
any time in the past.
