Grandad Jokes, Batch #30

Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine
2 min readDec 12, 2021

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Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

301

What Olympic sport are Poles destined to excel at?

Ski-ing.

302

When the Pope drank too much communion wine,

Luke Skywalker helped him home.

Hence he became known as

Tight Pope Walker.

303

The symptoms were numb and getting number,

so the mathematician added two more,

and said “Be nine.”

And indeed it was benign.

304

Which member of Robin Hood’s band was on the cover of GQ Magazine?

Friar Tux.

305

Which member of Robin Hood’s band was famous for his sermons about incontinence?

Friar Tux.

306

Which member of Robin Hood’s band cooked the most unhealthy dishes?

Fryer Tuck.

307

Which member of Robin Hood’s band was a notorious adulterer?

Will Scarlet Letter.

308

Why did the Englishman buy a dozen eggs and kiss them?

He loved egg snog.

309

To lose weight

only eat the tip of the iceberg

lettuce.

310

The doctor went to yoga class religiously

and stretched and twisted until finally he could touch the back of his head with his foot.

He had read in the Bible, “Physician, heel thyself.”

311

When the couch potatoes swore,

the cook apologized for them,

“Pardon my French

fries.”

312

New cartoon TV series —

The Symptoms.

Episode 1 =

One flu over the cuckoo’s nest.

313

He worked hard at his golf game

and eventually earned a handicap of 36,

the max.

He was delighted.

Now he could use handicapped parking everywhere.

314

When the three-year-old dropped a nickel in his piggy bank,

the nickel jumped for joy —

he was saved.

315

The seafood lover was delighted

when he heard about the

re-clam-nation project.

317

Cheer up. Have faith.

After dis appointment

comes dat appointment.

318

The caviar dreamed of

making the roe team.

319

The role of the Senate in dealing with nominations

is advise and conceit.

320

She self-published with a 3D printer

and made a thousand copies of herself.

321

“I’m looking for something for sticky fingers.”

“A napkin?”

“No. Money.”

322

He submitted his work to agents in a cascade —

first tear,

then second tear,

then third tear.

323

He entitled his novel “Between the Lines”

so everybody would read it.

324

He is taking a class in January.

If that goes well, he’ll study February next.

325

Traveler’s checks for time travelers at bargain prices.

Pay now and cash them in for ten times as much

any time in the past.

Buy the book Grandad Jokes at Amazon

List of Richard’s other jokes, stories, poems and essays.

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Richard Seltzer
Morning Musings Magazine

His recent books include Echoes from the Attic, Grandad Jokes, Lizard of Oz, Shakespeare'sTwin Sister, To Gether Tales. and Parallel Lives, seltzerbooks.com