Grandad Jokes, Batch #32
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
376
Airport security is going to bar cosmetics on flights.
They heard rumors that ISIS is developing
a lip bomb.
377
Did you hear about the pair of glasses who was about to be sent to prison
until he proved he was framed?
378
First he loved his pet rock,
then he neglected it
and took it for granite.
379
Did you hear about the clam digger who gave up his career when he realized
that it was selfish
to sell shell fish.
380
What do you call a matchmaker on the streets of NY City?
A meet her maid.
381
Having been bitten by a werewolf,
Hamlet freaked out at the next full moon
and screamed —
“To beast or not to beast,
that is the question.”
382
After the swimming pool passed the acidity test
100 days in a row,
it was awarded a Ph D.
384
What is the plumber’s favorite poker hand?
Royal flush.
385
He always kept a best-selling book on the piano,
so when he played
he’d have a page-turner.
386
When beavers built a temple, what did they call it?
God dam.
387
What is the literary masterpiece with the most carbs?
Candied.
388
Did you hear about the arctic explorer who found a quarter encased in ancient ice?
It was the tip of the iceberg.
389
What do you call a Sicilian funeral procession?
A hit parade.
390
What do you call a seagull who likes to smoke?
A sea-gar.
391
Prayer of the righteous —
Now I truth me down to sleep.
393
Old McDonald was
a computer expert,
into AI AI O.
394
You’ve heard about Johnny Appleseed planting apple trees.
Well, the guy who did that for vineyards is Alexander the Grape.
396
What kind of laundry detergent do pigs use?
Hog Tide.
397
The door-to-door salesman
avoided the house of the protozoa,
because she was a hard cell.
398
The no-no bird went extinct
because of celibacy —
she just said “no.”
399
Beware.
If you use cookies at your web site,
Cookie Monster may eat it.
400
Which came first?
The egghead
or the pen?
