Grandad Jokes, Batch #40
From the Never Grow Up section of the book Grandad Jokes
551
What do corpses eat?
Ground meat
with gravey.
552
When the last man in the world
meets the last woman,
what will he say?
Hi, mate.
553
When the last woman in the world
meets the last men,
what will she say?
Hy, men.
554
The farmer hired him
because he had a receding hair line
and his fields needed reseeding.
555
She was pissed off by her
thera-pee session.
556
She was delighted to be
the first woman elected president,
and with a margin of victory
that was clearly a mandate.
It had been many years since
she had last had a man date.
558
What is the best news channel for authors?
MS. NBC.
559
The oyster fisherman was afraid his girlfriend
would go for the guy with mussels.
560
The racist janitor would only take out
white trash.
561
Thought experiment —
how many calories do you burn
thinking about exercise?
562
The retired opera star refused to go to a nursing home,
only to a sing home.
563
Why was the Pope in favor of the war against Iraq?
He heard that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.
564
Trying to compete with the franchise gyms,
he offered not just exercise
but xxxercise.
566
The ghost was afraid he was gaining weight,
so every day he visited a priest
to get exorcise.
567
He refused to sit in the waiting room
for fear of gaining weight.
568
Name for online pharmacy —
Club Med.
Name for group medication website —
Club Med.
569
A holiday for cleaning addicts
is called a vac-ation.
A cure for that addiction is called
a vac-cine.
570
A lady who had gone too long without kisses
went to Cape Canaveral
and stood under a rocket —
the missile toe.
571
He fell in love with a bear.
He barely knew her.
But she was bare all the time.
572
Why did the ogre go to Appalacia?
He had lots of cheese
but he needed crackers.
573
What do you call a college for cabinet makers?
Screw U.
574
Instead of leftovers,
authors have writeovers.
575
What’s a good name
for a rap artist
who tells terrible puns?
Rapunzel.
