I Adopted a Ghost
My sister is about 20 years older than me. We have the same father but different mothers and grew up in entirely different households. Her parents showed signs of dislike much before the eventual divorce.
She grew up hitchhiking, doing donuts in her car in icy parking lots while holding a beer, and always looking for the next great high. She had three daughters by the age of 25 and either re-married or re-coupled multiple times after that.
My sister worked odd jobs here and there, and was always about to discover the chance of a lifetime opportunity that would bring her prodigious wealth. When her youngest daughter was 16, she got pregnant again. This was after having been in a coma for overdosing on crack cocaine. She lived in a trailer on the outskirts of the city.
In contrast, I grew up with parents who consistently showed affection to each other and me, which created a stable and strong foundation. I excelled in school, went to university, and landed a respectable job.
Sure, I was arrested for shoplifting as a minor and, on occasion, asked a friend to pull the car over so I could vomit out the last beer I had drank. But my dabbling in mischief did more to build my character than derail my life. Eventually, I fell in love and got married. We traveled extensively and opened retirement accounts.
Six years after my sister had her new baby, my wife and I visited Little Gloria. She was energetic and had a precocious vocabulary. I was stunned by her ability to take care of herself, even making her own food in the kitchen. Her smile was quick, yet scarred by rotting teeth and cavities.
One evening, my sister told a funny story about making brownies baked with marijuana, how Gloria had eaten a few of them, and how she then had trouble walking and was bumping into the furniture. Neither my wife nor I laughed at this story. For me, it was the final blow in a long chain of stories and observations of neglect and incompetence. I feared for Gloria’s safety and wellbeing.
I privately convinced myself that we should adopt Gloria. I felt that I had to do something to improve her situation, to give her a better chance at life. I felt that doing nothing would also transfer negligence onto me.
I could make room in our apartment for her. I could find a local school for her to attend. I could support her as she grew up. I could afford to hire a lawyer to process the documentation.
We lived seven states away from my sister at that time and I would have to consider visitation but did not want my sister to visit because of the destruction that she brings in her wake. My intention was to save Gloria, not deprive her access to her mother. I could make this work.
I lost sleep while considering the next move. Every day without action was another opportunity for something bad to happen to Gloria. I vacillated between being righteous and being invasive. Was I overstepping?
Eventually, I did nothing. The idea was born, lived, breathed, and then died with me. I concluded that a child needs to bond with her parents. Who was I to interfere with that or judge their living situation compared to mine?
I comforted myself with phone calls and the hope Gloria’s siblings would keep her safe. I wanted more for her, but no matter what, I would not be able to replace the love of my sister, her mom.
Gloria is 21 years old now. Strangely, we have no relationship at all. The last time I saw her was the first time when she was six years old. However, her ghost has been with me since our first meeting.
That apparition moved into our apartment and attended a local school. Her image came to life on camping and long hikes in the forest with me. I daydreamed about traveling abroad, deciding to live overseas where we learned another language we both spoke fluently.
I thought about the time Gloria’s ghost learned to ride a bicycle on a dusty gravel road, played violin, competed in soccer tournaments, and developed my sense of humor. We laughed at movies together and had fun playing board games.
I smiled proudly as I imagined Gloria graduating from high school, and we later strategized over college applications. Sometimes Gloria’s ghost would look at me with a slight twinkle in her eyes and then give me a hug. An embrace that was just a slight bit stronger and lingered just a bit longer than usual.
