The Lizard of Oz: Chapter Four
Pothead Land
Suddenly, there was light.
Eugene and Mark and Miss Shelby groaned because they were on the bottom again.
Cindy screamed because water had spilled out of the fishbowl.
And Kathy screamed because she was soaking wet, and Mr. Shermin and Mrs. O’Rourke were squirming on her belly.
“What’s going on?” asked Gaynell, wiping water from her face.
“Gosh,” said Donny, “look at all the funny people.”
“I don’t know who you’re talking about, Donny,” said Miss Shelby. “I can’t see from here. But whoever they are, you shouldn’t make fun of them. You shouldn’t make fun of anyone.”
“But they look like a bunch of walking flowerpots,” he answered.
“Really?” asked Timmy.
Kathy and Gaynell giggled.
Miss Osborne was so flustered, she asked Mr. Shermin directly, “Where are we? You got us here. Can you explain what’s going on?”
And, much to her surprise, she heard Mr. Shermin when he replied, “Well, this must be Pothead Land. Here, everybody has flowerpots instead of heads. And since they can’t see where they’re going, they’re tripping all the time.”
“What’s that one?” asked Gaynell.
“That’s a pot-bellied pothead,” said Mr. Shermin.
“Gosh, he’s covered with mud,” Donny said.
“We’re down-to-earth people,” replied the Pot-Bellied Pothead. “Earthenware is our natural dress. That and wonderwhere.”
“Wonderwhere?” asked Donnie.
“Yes, I wonder where my head’s at.”
“Oh, there’s a water fountain,” said Miss Osborne, opening the door and letting everyone out. “We need to fill the fishbowl quickly for Mr. Shermin and Mrs. O’Rourke.”
So they walked over to the fountain, and Miss Shelby read the sign, “Potable water. Potable. That’s a good, long word for you to learn today. That means the water is clean enough to drink and clean enough for Mr. Shermin and Mrs. O’Rourke.”
Cindy, who was carrying the fishbowl, stepped up to the fountain.
“Not so fast,” said the Pot-Bellied Pothead. “That’s a potable water fountain.”
“Yes, I know,” said Cindy, and she smiled; and Miss Shelby smiled too because Cindy had learned the lesson.
But when Cindy went to fill the fishbowl, the water wouldn’t go in. Instead, it splashed all over her until she was as wet as Kathy.
“I told you so. That’s a potable water fountain. It’ll only pour water into pots.”
“Well, what can we do?” asked Miss Osborne.
“You’ll have to find somebody empty-headed enough to help.”
“But…”
“Wow!” Mark interrupted.
“Gosh,” asked Donny, “what’s this one?”
“Yes, what is it, Mr. Shermin?” asked Miss Osborne, staring in disbelief.
“That’s an empty-headed pothead. He’s petaling an icicle, and his head’s low so he can go faster.”
“Petaling an icicle?” asked Miss Osborne.
“Yes, of course. He’s sitting on an icicle, and the wheels are sunflowers.”
“Mister, why doesn’t the icicle melt?” asked Mark.
“It’s cool, man, cool.”
“How do you get it to go so fast?”
“That’s flower-power, man, real flower-power.”
“Pardon me, sir,” said Miss Osborne, “I noticed that your head, I mean, your pot is empty, and…”
“Yes, it’s empty. And don’t go making fun of it, either. Some of these guys’ll put anything in their heads just to have something there, but I’ve been waiting till I find something worth putting in.”
“Well, if it wouldn’t inconvenience you, we’d greatly appreciate it if you’d help us fill our fishbowl.”
“Fishbowl? You mean fish are drowning because they don’t have water to breathe? Why didn’t you say so?”
In a minute, Mr. Shermin and Mrs. O’Rourke were breathing freely in a bowl full of fresh, clean water.
Gaynell recited, “You’ll get ahead if you get a head. So go straight ahead and get an empty head that’s gone to pot. Then go behind, and you will find the spot you have in mind.” She was very proud that she remembered the Witch’s words.
“That’s the one,” said Mr. Shermin.
“The what?” asked the Empty-Headed Pothead, who heard him loud and clear.
“The empty head that’s gone to pot. You’re the one the Witch told us to find and take back.”
“Witch? You mean one of those old ladies that ride on broomsticks? You’ve got to be kidding, man. That’s far out.”
“Well, come along with us and take a look for yourself,” suggested Mr. Shermin. “Just hop on top of the car. We’ll take you places you’ve never dreamed of.”
So the Empty-Headed Pothead left his icicle and hopped on the roof of the VW, and they all went riding back to where they came from.
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Links to other chapters and the story of how this story was written.
