The Lizard of Oz: Chapter Two
The Red Coats
Eugene was the only one in the class who could still hear Mr. Shermin. He got everyone to put cotton in their ears, so they couldn’t hear the Humbug. Then he told them what Mr. Shermin had told him about why they needed go to Oz and Ome and find the Lizard.
It being a beautiful spring day, Miss Osborne had wanted to take the class on a field trip. She had changed her mind when it turned out that everyone was down and disgruntled. Now, nearly all of them caught Eugene’s enthusiasm. So she agreed that they should go, and Oz was as good a place to go as any.
Kevin was the only one who objected. “I’m too big for that kids’ stuff.”
But Miss Shelby said, “The fresh air will do you good. And whatever we do, we do together.”
So, along with everyone else, Kevin piled into Miss Osborne’s little green VW.
That was a very crowded little green VW with Eugene and Mark and Linda S. and Linda C. and Donny and Joey and Timmy and Miss Osborne and Kevin and Peter and Miss Shelby and Gaynell and Kathy and Cindy, who got to hold the fishbowl, because she was very careful, and it took a very careful person to hold a fishbowl when you were sitting on Linda S., and Linda S. was sitting on Eugene, and Kathy was stretched across your belly. But Mr. Shermin had said that the best way to get to Oz was in a little green VW, and Mr. Shermin knew most everything.
When they got to the first intersection, Miss Osborne asked, “Which way is Oz?”
Donny told her, “Just follow the yellow brick road.”
She laughed, “That may sound easy, Donny. But where’s the yellow brick road? Have you ever seen a yellow brick road in Winthrop?”
Mr. Shermin answered, “No trouble, Miss Osborne. No trouble at all. I have a magic coin. I’ll flip it at every intersection. Heads, we’ll turn right. Tails, we’ll turn left. And if it stands on end, we’ll go straight ahead. We’ll get to Oz and to Ome in no time.”
Miss Osborne couldn’t hear Mr. Shermin, so Eugene repeated what he had said.
Miss Osborne laughed and went along with the game. It was a such a beautiful day that she didn’t care where they went.
Soon they were blocks and blocks away from school, and nobody knew where they were except Mr. Shermin, who told Eugene, who told everyone.
Miss Shelby gave the class a geography lesson. “Travel is educational,” she said. And she, too, was learning the names of the streets. She could never have known them if Mr. Shermin hadn’t said them, because there weren’t any street signs.
Mr. Shermin explained and Eugene repeated, “They built the streets without signs back in the days of the Revolution to confuse the British. Every once in a while, you can still see a troop of redcoats marching through the streets. Most people assume that it’s some sort of parade; but no, it’s the redcoats trying to find their way home.”
“Thank you, Mr. Shermin,” Miss Shelby chuckled. “That’s very amusing.”
Everybody started looking for the redcoats.
Donny, with his brand-new glasses, was the first to see them. “Gosh, they look awfully tired,” he said.
Mr. Shermin explained, “Yes, of course they’re tired. They’ve been marching for two hundred years.”
The Redcoat Sergeant waved like he wanted to ask something, so Miss Osborne stopped the VW, and the Sergeant said, “Pardon me, ma’am. Could ye tell me ’ow to get ’ome from ’ere?”
Donny said, “Gosh, they’re going the same place we are.”
Miss Shelby corrected him, “No, Donny, we’re going to Ome, but he wants to go home. You see, some of the British don’t pronounce their h’s; so when they mean to say ‘home,’ they say ‘ ’ome.’ ” Miss Shelby was very pleased that this field trip was turning out to be so educational.
But Mr. Shermin said, and Eugene repeated, “Not so fast, Miss Shelby. You never know about these things. It just may be… It just may be… Tell me, Sergeant, what sort of place is this Ome you’re looking for?”
“Oh, I long for the green green grass of ’ome.”
Mr. Shermin explained, “It’s a sad case. They’re disenchanted. You can see how smartly they march after two hundred years of marching, and they can probably go on marching for another two hundred years. But they still remember what Ome is like; and the more disenchanted they get, the more they feel they need to get there. But only enchanted people can ever get there.”
Eugene told the Sergeant what Mr. Shermin had said, because the Sergeant was disenchanted and couldn’t hear Mr. Shermin himself.
The Sergeant didn’t seem to understand anything but that they couldn’t help him, so all he said was, “Oh-’um,” very softly, and the soldiers started marching again, smartly but wearily, through the unmarked streets.
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Links to other chapters and the story of how this story was written.
