George H.W. Bush shot JFK!

George H.W. Bush shot JFK! A dialectic

Oh, but everyone knows that, tell me something I don’t know. Oh, OK, alright. Did you know that the expression ‘A chicken in every pot’ wasn’t from FDR, it was from Louis the XV, father of the Sun King? You knew that one too, huh, smarty-pants. Well, did you know how they came up with the name for Area 51?

-Didn’t like, hmm, an alien name it or something?!?

What? Ha! What? Kids these days! What do they teach you in school? No, no, sit down, I’ll tell ya all about it.

GONZO!

Well, first, you’ve read Joyce, Proust, Balzac, Flaubert… and Heidegger, Plato, Sartre and Salinger and Hemingway and Fitzgerald, Hawthorne, the Bronte’s and Melville? Of course, that goes without- what? No?

-No. Should I have-

Oh well, whatever, nevermind. You’re familiar with Hunter S. Thompson. Who the fuck is imperious enough to put an “S” in the- right smack in the middle of their- like they’re some sort of ‘über’ man, some modern day Harry Truman Superman, right? Well, I digress-

-Hunter S. Thom-

Gonzo? Mondo? Mondo-gonzo? Ringing any- no. Hmm. Tom Wolfe? Electric-Kool Aid- no, huh? Kerouac? Ginsburg? Beats? No. Um…

-I like-

Yes, yes?

-No, nevermind.

Something more- Irvine Welsh? Ah, ah, yes, yes, OK. PKD? No? Ah, Vonnegut. Yes, yes, that’s what they’re passing off as litera- and more recent, maybe some Alice Walker or Toni Morrison? Wallace?

-Yes!

Ah… OK! OK! Amherst! Five college system! UMASS! Sure, sure, the Pixies, Black Francis, Frank Black, sure sure. Pretty good bars up there, real relaxed atmosphere. Not really an ‘on campus’ and ‘off-campus’ crowd, all sort of mixed up into one, kind of like, well, like Spring Break in a walk-in freezer on acid meets the Head of the Charles. If you know what I mean. Hampshire, too.

-Wha?? Uh…

Hampshire? No grades, 60’s radicals, one of the… you know, five colleges… no dice? Hmm…

-Nope…

Ah, well, OK, OK. So, Pynchon. He’s a real American over-on-the Mayflower settler type, real old stock New England type. Dirty, dirty bird. Anywho, you take your David Foster Wallace, you toss it into a blender with maybe some, oh, you know, Cornell, Lolita- yer Nabakov, ’twas his writing teacher, I think… Anyway, maybe toss in some Welsh, a bit of yer Proust, a pinch of Tolstoy- as if to say, dirty, epic, but also intimate. Well, ya gotta get that paranoid, skitzo type jizz too, but that there’s sorta inherent in yer DFW to begin with, prolly right outa Pynchon to begin with, sorta maybe like adding in chicken bullion to chicken soup. Well, so.

-Uh? Huh? OK…

Well, whatever! What I’m tryin’ to say here is. Well, Pynchon’ll get ya like Crumb, keep on truckin’ on about LSD, only he’s tellin’ the history of WWII and globo-conspiracy corpratocracy international corporations running the show from behind the scenes, but only like he’s on acid when he’s tellin’ it. So-

-Paranoid as all fuck-

KEEP ON TRUCKIN’!

Oh hell yes. Yes, yes. Only not like a say, Hunter S. Thompson, where he’s you know, naked, part of the story, fully breaking down the subject-object dichotomy. No, no, he’s still somewhere in there, monkeyin’ around in the background like some sort of invisible hand o’ god gittin’ the narrative structure, or lack there of, moving along, but…

-But?

But, well. Where to begin?

-At the-

Yeah, yeah, well fuck off, right sure, begin at the- whatever. Sure. So, Albert Hoffman goes on a bicycle ride, while working for Sandoz, gets a bit of what he’s working on, bit of white powder from ergot, a kind of fungus type stuff growing on rye or something- well, turns out it’s LSD, this particular batch was LSD-25, meaning the 25th batch, and he, well, he has a trippy experience. Up until this point, most science is objective, guys in white lab coats- you know, well, duh, scientific for lack of a better word, doctor/patient, subject/object, scientist/test subject that sort of thing. You know in the Tao te King how-

-The what?

The way? The Tao? The way of King? You know like Daoists? Monks? Tibetans? The Dali La-

-Oh right right, Dali Lama got it-

Well, in Zen mysticism, it’s like, you can’t study something without effecting it. So you’re supposed to you know, observe without awareness, or something. If you’re an archer, you know, you become the target. It’s a bit like particle physics, quantum mechanics like-

-What?!? Like… Einstein?

Yes! Now you’re getting it, exactly! Schrödinger’s cat, right? Except like Heinlein, ha! Right? Cat who walks through walls! Right?

-Yeah! Uh? Starship Troopers??

Yes! Right on! Stranger? Grok?

-Yeah… uh?

Grok? Grok? No? Hmm. So, it’s like, in Zen and the Art of, you know man, how like, you have to like pack your undies tight, cause like, you can’t know every fucking part of your bike, right? It’s like, the over-specialization of a modern mass-market economy and-

-What??

Hmm. OK, so, Area 51-

-Wait. Hold on, is this going to take a-

Long version or short?

-Short?

Area 51. Back when the United States was expanding, Nevada was a territory. It was broken into parcels of land to be sold, mostly at auctions, sometimes at- you’ve seen, what is it, Tom Cruise and what’s her-face, Nicole… Nicole Kidman, Far and Away, the Irish one, the land grabs, right? So, that’s it.

-That’s what?

That’s it, the name, Area 51.

-What? Aliens, nazis, future worm hole sci-teck, you know man, fucker! Next fucking level shit! Huh? What the fuck are you talking about?

Area 51 dummy.

-Don’t call me dummy, fucker.

Ugh. So, Nellis Air Force base, is ten miles outside of Las Vegas. They had an area they were testing nuclear weapons, they were working with Lockheed. It is sometimes called The Lake or Groom Lake, like in the X-Men. They were testing nuclear bombs, mega-head drops, Apple, Apple II, and so forth, Operation Teapot, and they were exploding them in the air, or detonating them on different surfaces, asphalt, one test tested them on an artificial lake, ergo, Groom Lake.

-Huh?

Well, back then it was the Army Air Force, before NASA. Well, before they got the Horton Bros flying wing to build the, whatcha-ma-call it, Stealth-

-The Freedom, the B-2, the Stealth Bomber…

That’s it, the spaceship looking one, the invisible black triangle- Nazi tech yeah.

-What? No…

Yes… The Horton bros were Hitler’s jet airplane designers. You know, like Porsche with the-

-Porsche? Turbo? Oh, I love Porsches. Carrera?

Uh, yeah kid. Anywho. So that’s the deal with-

-With what?

Exactly! Anyway, that’s when ya get Aquatone coming out of Paperclip. But the really top secret ish, you know, like the stuff with Georgetown Medical, you know, Cornell, human ecology, you know, dollhouses, safe houses, prostitution, secret dosing, hypnotism.

-Aquatone? Huh?

You know, like in that Bridge of Spies Hanks picture. You know, the whatcha-ma-call it, Lebowksi-

-Um, the Dude?

Yeah, yeah Jeffrey, very thorough, ya- the, you know Miller’s Crossing-

-Coen brothers?

Yes, yes.

-Oh, you mean, Bridge of Spies? The, um, Tom Hanks-

Yes! Spielberg and the-

-You know what a Spielberg is?

Um?

-Well, a berg is a city and a Spiel is a magical way to sell art, stories, theatre-

Oh, right, right, like a- like, don’t give me a schpiel- but then-

-Yes! Oh. Hmm. OK, maybe, so like Hollywood? Right?

Righht? Um, but then why isn’t his name Schpielberg-

-Schpielberg? But, it is. Sorta. Sorta?

No, but why isn’t it- like pronounced like. Hmm, well. Interesting. You know how he got started? With Jaws? Snuck in to the set everyday and just started showing up and-

-Wait, he snuck into his own-

No, no, I don’t mean- I mean, not Jaws, I mean.

-No. He definitely directed Jaws. And wrote it too, I think…

No, no, I mean-

-Yes, he did, I swear, I mean I think…