Motherhood 101
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Motherhood 101

First Feelings

In may 2021, I became a mother. I had a very hard delivery, which made the healing process quite hard.

Retrospectively, when I look back I realize that I still can’t digest the emotional trauma I went through. It’s bizarre cause it’s been a while. However, I completely forgot the physical pain I had. That’s the hardest part, not being able to forget the trauma you go through. I guess that’s why it’s called trauma!

Let’s be honest, the day your child is born is supposed to be the most beautiful day of your life, based on social media and stories we keep hearing from friends and family. But the reality is that trauma, pain and difficulties are never mentioned in these stories. They are often masked because new parents get busy by the precious little addition to their families. They want to introduce their babies to the world and use all the time they have to enjoy their little ones. They tend to forget to show the pain they went through to their friends. They forget to write their whole story, instead they just write the nice parts…. So we really never hear the truth behind labour and delivery of a woman unless they are willing to honestly share it.

Let me be honest and direct here, labour and delivery is a private experience. Meaning that we shouldn’t expect everyone to share their experiences. But the reality is that if we never hear hard, painful and traumatic stories we will never know what giving birth truly means.

I think the hardest part of the delivery day is when the care providers make decisions after decisions in a few seconds and almost give you no time to digest. What happens days after delivery is what I like to call “the mourning phase”. This is when you start thinking about what happened on your delivery day, what went wrong, what could have gone better… You start picturing everything in your mind with the hope that you can change things…Weirdly, you might even blame yourself for choosing that hospital, that OB and not asking for a scheduled c-section or delivering naturally!

The important thing to know is that all the feelings you have after giving birth is right and no one (not even your partner) is allowed to say otherwise. You might feel happy and satisfied that you accomplished giving birth. You could also feel devastated and hopeless because you went through a lot.

First weeks of postpartum, I often asked myself how am I going to take care of a little baby when I don’t feel alright? I never knew the answer…I just knew that I had to do it. That’s the sacrifice we, mothers, make to give the best life to our babies…We forget and mask our pains so our babies sleep and eat well.

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I share real stories from my journey of motherhood with you. Mothers are connected together through similar experiences and only when we start to share, we realize that they aren’t alone…This makes us feel better, doesn't it?

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Kimia Gharib

Kimia Gharib

Mother- Physicist by Education- Data Scientist by Profession

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