I read an article today that was obviously written to solicit a reaction from people. It was basically a tongue-in-cheek post about the motivations that lead husbands to cheat on their wives. The comments were entertaining to say the least.
The point the author was trying to make was that if a woman stops putting effort into her marriage, then she should not be surprised when her husband strays. Let me just say that there is never an excuse for cheating in a marriage; and as far as culpability goes — that’s all on the partner that is doing the cheating.
But this really got me thinking about my own marriage — which is by no means rainbows and butterflies all the time. We fight sometimes. He does things that make me lose my mind often and I do things that annoy him just as often. But I honestly think we have a wonderful marriage.
When we first got married, we used to fight. All. The. Time. We nagged each other about everything, and we talked — but we didn’t really listen. I never got dressed up, and aside from working, neither did he. We used to sit on the couch after putting the baby to sleep and just play on our phones. We’d watch a movie together, and I would look at Instagram while he nodded off on the other side of the couch. We wouldn’t go out to dinner because we didn’t ever feel like it. If I asked him to help me with the laundry, he would roll his eyes. And when he asked me to take the trash out, I would respond with a “Seriously? I do literally everything around here.”
It was an ugly situation. Married life was nothing like what I had envisioned it to be. We had become so comfortable with each other that we had allowed complacency to set in — we were essentially an old married couple at the tender ages of 23 and 24.
Something had to give and something did. We decided to make a change. We decided that no matter how busy our schedules were, we would make an effort to set aside some time each day to do something together (sans kids, i.e. a date).
I have a wonderful marriage because I date my husband.
Pretty simple, really.
My husband and I actively date each other.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go somewhere. In fact, half of our dates take place in our house in the form of Netflix and wine after the kids have gone to bed. Some of you might be rolling your eyes and saying, “Duhhh… of course I spend time with my husband.”
But do you really?
Do you really listen to him when he’s talking to you? Do you ask him about his day? Does he ask you about yours? Do you put your phone down and just hold his hand for a minute? Do you grab his butt when he’s wearing jeans because you think he’s sexy? Does he tell you how beautiful you look? Do you compliment him on his new haircut? Or tell him that you appreciate that he emptied the dishwasher before he left for work?
Once you start putting a little effort into making him feel like he’s the man, it becomes a snowball effect. It can start with something as small as a, “Hi, babe! How was your day? I saw that you put your coffee cup in the dishwasher before you left today, and I really appreciated it.”
Literally. Sometimes a guy just needs a little praise.
Then go bigger. Slap his ass when he’s walking by you in the kitchen. Or give him a “take me now” look. Just because you can.
You can date your spouse in a million different ways. I don’t care who you are — if you and your significant other love each other, once you put in some effort, then I promise he will do the same for you. When a man is made to feel like a man, he will take care of his woman. It’s just the way he’s wired.
So try dating your man for a week and see if it doesn’t work in your favor. My bet is that it will.
Follow our blog, Motherhood: Breaking the Looking Glass, for more stories on Motherhood from women like you.
Want to contribute a post? Email us: email@example.com and tell us why!