Love, then marriage… THEN a baby carriage?
Do you remember the little saying you would sing on the playground, “first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes “so and so” with the baby carriage?” I used to sing it all the time when I was little. Growing up in the South with a Southern Baptist background, it was ingrained to do exactly what that little song said. Those who had a child outside of wedlock were looked upon as not following what the Bible instructed. You were not exactly shunned but you had tongues wagging at you.
Well, I followed the song’s instructions for my first marriage. I met a great guy, got married, and had a daughter. A year after we were married he got sick and was hospitalized. Our world was turned upside down and I walked through Hell during that time. The stresses of his shaky health and the hostility that was brewing between his family, myself, and my family was tough. After he passed away, I was left widowed with a three month old daughter. I was hurting and looking for someone.
Looking back now I grabbed at someone who gave me what I thought would be stability for myself and my daughter. I jumped into the relationship with my second husband fast. He was quite a bit older than I was. This led me to be fooled into thinking he was stable, not only emotionally but financially. It was bittersweet to find out that he did not have that many living relatives left but happiness over rode the bitterness because I just came out of a situation that was emotionally draining.
I still had the hope that I would have the perfect family. For a little over 3 years I held onto the hope that we would have a good life. I struggled with not being completely happy and I was dealing with someone who I believed had a mental health problem. Finally, one day, I decided that I was done being emotionally and financially drained. I needed out and wanted a better life for my daughter and I. After one year of separation our divorce was finalized. Oh happy day!
Fast forward to today…
I am now in a committed, happy, and healthy relationship with the father of my son. I became pregnant with our son shortly after we got together. We were blissfully in love and happy to welcome a new baby in the mix. Our girls, he had one daughter from a previous marriage and I had mine, were excited to have a little brother joining them as well!
When it came to telling our families about the new baby arriving they were happy but that age old question came, “So are y’all going to get married?”. Our response surprised them, “No, not right away.” And to our surprise they were supportive and did not pressure us. They knew the struggles of our previous marriages and felt it was best that we did not rush it either.
To this day, we are still blissfully in love and have supportive and loving families. Neither his nor mine has pressured us to get married. Of course he and I talk about it from time to time. For now we are enjoying being in love, happy, and experiencing life with our little family.
You have to ultimately do what is best for you. DO NOT feel pressured by family, friends, religion, or otherwise to get married right away if you find yourself pregnant and unwed. Enjoy your pregnancy, take it day by day, love those who love you and just be happy. There is nothing worse than being miserable in a forced marriage and trying to raise a family. The children will ultimately be affected by it and their happiness should be your top priority. ❤
I would love to hear about your marriage and relationship stories below!
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