One Momma’s Loneliness
Momma’s I want to talk to you about something that I have been struggling with since my first child was born three years ago. Loneliness, it is real. Other people may laugh and say “but your kids are with you all day how in the world do you feel lonely?” I just want to punch those people in the face. Seriously, you momma’s know exactly what I am talking about.
Our poor spouses. They come home from a hard day at work and we are standing there like a dog waiting for its master to return with a look of relief etched on our faces as they step through the door, because you know when he gets home you depend on him to take it from there. You need that extra adult to help you through the rest of the day, doesn’t always happen that way, but you have the hope that it will because you are so done, so very, very done.
You have spent all day with just these two little booger eaters and they have whined and argued with each other till you just want to plug in your earphones and pretend you don’t hear them. I am not confessing this has ever happened, but then again I’m not saying it hasn’t. Those little snotty nose kids are all the company you’ve had today and that justifies that he should make sure you are the number one priority when he is home, no phones, no video games, no yard chores, me M.E.! I need the attention and help and that’s that, am I right? Yea, that never flies.
Stay at home mom at the age of 24, with my first child, that title sounded wonderful! Play dates, grocery shopping, keeping up with housework, watching Netflix to my heart’s content, giggling and cuddling all day with my new baby, napping, oh yea I thought there would be napping. It just sounded like a dream to me and when reality hit, I realized, it was a dream.
Spit up, explosive diapers, cram-eating, 5 minute showers, sleepless nights, not going out without the hassle of packing up a newborn and basically most of my house to bring along, it was a hard realization.
I had been warned of everything that I went through after having Luke, mostly other moms I had talked to in passing, but you know there is one thing I never ever heard mentioned. Loneliness. Now when I talk to fellow moms they can relate. We will share stories of loneliness, yet no one warns you about it and I am not sure why. It has been the hardest thing to get over, even now three years later, I am still learning to cope with it.
I have never been very social so the number of people I see and talk to on a week to week basis is, well, basically no one but my husband. Sad, huh?
He is it, the only person I see everyday besides my kids, I can go all week sometimes even two without seeing one of my family members or friends. I hardly count random encounters at the store and park as filling my need for adult time. So there, all of my thoughts, experiences and feelings that need to be shared with someone go to him, and sometimes he just has better things to do.
That sounds harsh but it’s true. Weekends are spent mowing and doing yard work. When he gets home from work during the week he has some down time with us, but when the kids go to bed he wants to play video games with his friends. I can’t blame him, if I had an outlet like that I wouldn’t be in the hole that I am in, but I don’t have that and herein lies the issue.
One day I came across a lady at the park and we randomly discussed a MOPS group she had been going to. Ladies, I was desperate, I honestly would have tried anything at that point to spend time with other adults. So I took the plunge. I was terrified, when I thought of mom groups, I thought of bring your kids to play dates. Well this moms group is held at a church and basically these ladies get together and leave their children in the daycare at the church.
Oh boy did that ever scare/excite me. The thought of two and half hours of no kids, time to catch a breather once a week, it sounded glorious. On the other hand I was worried my two year old Momma’s boy might not do so well. At first he didn’t. I’ve been on the receiving end of a child who doesn’t want to be there….not fun. But I pushed through.
I prayed and prayed for my two year old and you know what, now with our sixth meeting he is finally starting to warm up to it, is it hard to leave him but you do not know what a relief it is to once a week come together, eat breakfast have hot coffee and sit in fellowship with other ladies. It is WONDERFUL!
So here I am today, I am in MOPS and PALS, two Mommy groups, and I can’t believe I ever doubted joining. It has been good for me, my husband and I have noticed a difference in the kids, especially my clinger. He has become a little happier with more independence. Plus he is no longer up my butt all the time.
I had a date night with my husband last Friday and we were discussing the groups and what’s been going on and he says to me that he’s noticed I seem happier. I am not as stressed and angry as I was. So ladies, I can honestly tell you it has made me happier and my marriage is benefiting from it. I’m not always uptight and needing a break as much as I did. Another benefit has is talking with and seeing the other mom’s lifestyles and personalities. I honestly feel more laid back than I use to be. I am not always stressing if I am doing the right thing all the time or thinking that I need to keep up with anyone else’s kids.
So mommas please, please, please I know it’s stepping out of your comfort zone and/or may be a little bit of money right now for you. It will be worth it, trust me. It will benefit your whole family! And if you have MOPS groups at your local church check it out. That mommy time I get each week, that keeps me going and the fellowship I get with the other mommas learning and seeing these women with a passion for the Lord like me, it’s just incredible. So do it mommas. Just do it, take that leap and be happy!
Read more from Jessica on her blog, Silence is Suspicious. You can follow Jessica on Instagram for snapshots from her daily adventures in Motherhood.
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