Motherhood and Consent

Motherhood is a funny thing. I have many women in my life whom I know love and care for me like my mom does. I did not come out of them and they did not adopt me, yet they have cared for me in a decidedly motherly way. Many people know this feeling; women have been mothers to kids other than their own for millennia. I would like to suggest that mothers are not made by conceiving, giving birth to, or adopting children. A mother creates herself when and only when she consents to love another human being in that particular and unconditional way that mothers have.

Women are out there in the world right now struggling to conceive and putting huge amounts of time, energy, money, and heartache into meeting their children. They are mothers, whether or not they ever get to. Other new moms are parents of adult children, having just recently consented to embrace motherhood. Some moms consent during unplanned pregnancies, when they finally decide after much thought to keep and love their babies no matter what. Some mothers never have children of their own, consenting instead to love other children in that special way. Some moms unfortunately consent to mother some of their children and not others. Some few women revoke their consent and so cease to be moms. In all of these situations, consent is key.

I just found out I am pregnant for the third time. Each time, I consented to mother my children before they were conceived. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks. My second resulted in my amazing, inspiring, and joyful son J. This third pregnancy is just beginning, but I am proud to say I am a consenting mother of three.