Mothers’ Day Expectations

This coming Mothers’ Day will be my 6th. The first, I was pregnant with a baby that I subsequently lost. The second, I was pregnant with my son, and now on my sixth mothers’ day, I have two kids. For all five of the previous mothers’ days I have experienced as a mom, I have been disappointed. I try to make sure it’s a special day for my mom and my mother-in-law, and E tries to make it special for me but fails. There have been many reasons for this, but the most consistent one is that I haven’t made it clear what I want.

So, this year I am making it incredibly clear to my mom, my husband, and my mother-in-law what my expectations are for Mothers’ Day. If I’m disappointed this year, it will not be because they didn’t know what I wanted. This year, I’m starting now and letting my mom and mother-in-law know that I want to celebrate them on the Sunday before. I’m also emailing my husband with my expectations (he has an easier time when something is written down and he can refer to it). Six-years-ago me would see all this as rude, unromantic, and overly selfish. But present me sees it as an important step of self-care, to ensure that this one day I have the best possible chance of enjoying myself and feeling special.

I’m writing this to encourage any mamas reading this to do the same. Give the people in your life a heads-up as to what you want now, so that there’s hope for the day to be exactly what you want. Whether it’s a fancy hat-wearing brunch followed by a museum tour or a day completely alone where you get to drink wine and eat chocolate in the tub while reading fantasy novels, let the people in your life know. Don’t assume they know, and don’t wait. We are completely deserving of an awesome day once a year. Let’s make it happen.

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