One Tip to Greatly Improve Confidence
“The secret to living is giving.” — Tony Robbins
They love him. He’s something like the sun for that type of energy that just takes over a room. They stare and wonder what his secret is, but they can’t figure it out. They’re too deep in own heads, too into themselves, their worries, fears, and desires. If there was a big red sign two feet in front of them, with a megaphone pointed right at their faces, they still might miss it. It’s not their fault. They’ve been doing it their entire lives.
You see, he wasn’t always like this. Instead of focusing on being lovable in every interaction, he desperately craved to be loved. Instead of letting love flow through him, he sought love to be directed at him. Most of his interactions were a living flat line of smiles and nods drenched in the agreeableness of a man too unsure. Thus, every time, those subliminal nuances of “I AM NOT ENOUGH,” in body language, spoke volumes over any words he ever said.
Fear.
Fear of silence or awkwardness in any exchange. Fear of saying the right thing at the wrong time or the wrong thing at the right time. Fear of those first words never spoken to a beautiful woman. Fear of abandonment. Fear of connection. Fear of…
Yet his problem wasn’t really fear. It looked like fear and talked like fear, but it wasn’t fear.
It was selfishness.
Realizing that was the turning point for him. Could it be for you as well? How dare you deprive the world of your greatness, seeking their love, yet stingily holding back your own? How dare you not add value, a gift, to every interaction that is bestowed upon you?
A smile that reassures?
A question about something that someone clearly wants to tell you more about?
A loss of yourself in every conversation so that you could discover just a little more about the other person?
All these things cost nothing, yet you’ve been treating each one as a call to empty your bank account. All in the name of fear or “not being confident.” You have taken on every day from an emotional state of lack, while thirsting to be that person to whom serendipitous things just happen to. You’ve done this for so long, how do you stop?
Training Your Mind
Before beginning, it is important to understand two things:
- Being loveable means realizing that the secret to living is giving in every moment. It doesn’t have to be material or financial, but always has to be something. Being loveable is a consistent practice of tuning your mind to the needs, wants, and desires of others. It’s building the habit of empathy in a world that is focused on me, me, me. It’s the sum of these decisions that builds the confidence most people never find. It’s how you get into the habit of letting love flow “through” you instead of always seeking it to be directed at you. Whether you believe in the Law of Attraction or plain old statistics, this works every time. By creating the habit of being in this state, you exponentially multiply the amount of positive interactions you have. Thus, you are constantly increasing the size of your network, generating goodwill, and continuously boosting serotonin in your brain. All this leads to a greater awareness of those micro moments and daily opportunities that result in the “luck” you seek.
- Being loveable does NOT mean letting others walk on you. It does not mean giving more than you have to give just so that they can like you. It does not mean sacrificing self-respect or your mental health. It’s understanding the difference between sympathy and empathy. It does not mean being reckless and frivolous, or the loudest person in the room. These are all attachments of ego, fear, and the desperate need to be loved.
The Practice
In the morning, start your day by priming your mind with the mantra of “I am loveable.” Whether you say it in front of a mirror 100 times or write it down, do it consistently for about 3 minutes and really focus until you start to feel it. At first, you might feel nothing, but over a span of just a week you will notice a visible mental shift during this practice.
This is the first step.
All active beliefs demand expression. Thus, to really drill this down you will need to start acting on your new belief of “I am loveable.” Luckily, most of time, you won’t have to go very far out of your way. We are usually tested many times in our regular lives. The only difference is that, now, during every interaction, the following questions will pop up in your mind:
“Am I being loveable?
“Am I making a decision based on growth or fear?”
“What can I give to this interaction?”
After doing the exercise for one week and focusing on these question you will notice that they will automatically pop up during interactions. You will instantly gain awareness and be able to make conscious decisions about how to proceed. You won’t always make the right decision, but you are seeking progress, not perfection.
Example #1: You are up next at the supermarket. The cashier seems to be having a less then stellar day. You look at her, smile, and make a comment about her hair, which clearly looks like she spent quite some time on. In this simple example, you leave your own mind long enough to observe the cashier’s mood, hairstyle, and make a decision to give. All of this maybe took a total of 5 seconds and a handful of words, but may have made a dramatic difference in the quality of the cashier’s day.
Example #2: You give a friend a gift they’ve always wanted yet never bothered to get on their own. No, it’s not their birthday. It’s just a Tuesday afternoon.
Example #3: You see someone that looks interesting and freeze. That is, until you realize you are coming from a position of fear and lack instead of abundance. You exit your mind and really focus on the other person. What do you notice about their appearance, about their aura, their mood? What comes to mind? A compliment, a question, a suggestion? Go.
Example #4: The elevator door is about to close and you actually hold it for the person that is running for dear life instead of just pretending to.
Example #5: You have read this article, and immediately decide to take action. A small action, any action, but you take it and you take it right now.
Go.
Unlock Your Potential
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