Finding Grace For A New Day
I’ve been thinking about grace and ways I can use grace to elegantly walk forgiveness through my mind and body.
I have carried so many wounds in my body. I realize now that it has taken many years for me to allow myself the grace to forgive the scarring others tore into my soul. Even longer, to acknowledge the ones I have inflicted upon myself.
I do not know how I stumbled into the grace to forgive. It was not a rushed awakening that shook me. Instead, it was subtle. And undetected in many ways. Suddenly, my childhood wasn't just a collection of moments of deep hurt. I could see the landscape of it. It was a collection of beautiful moments carefully orchestrated by my family, mainly the work of my mother. And, they were resplendent memories. Grace informed me that holding onto hurt didn’t allow me to see the entire picture. I zoomed the lens in so completely to focus on the wrongs, that I missed joy. I missed it for years.
Actively seeking grace allowed me to find that joy again.
Soon I was not as harsh with people I felt wronged me. I worked on being more understanding. I began to massage compassion into my reactions until they’d become responses. When I was able to respond instead of react, I could walk away from people without the weight of my reaction and the burden of their behavior. That was when my body began to respond. It is also when I was more astute to what was happening. My experience in this body taught me that any changes are deserving of my full attention. And, I could literally feel the difference in how I held myself when I was and when I wasn’t offering myself and others grace.
Now, I’m addicted to extended grace as much as possible, to myself and to others. The rewards are better experiences, relationships, health, and an ease to go about my day to day
How to Activate Grace
The way I constantly activate grace in my life is through forgiveness. I carry a deep belief that I am capable of forgiving all things. I also believe I have the wisdom to learn from the situations I have been in so that I do not have to react with malicious intent. My understanding is that my future is dependent on my ability to see beyond the person to the lesson I am being taught. This has really kept me from hoarding pain. And, this is coming from someone that spent most of their childhood and early twenties hoarding pain. And, I am not saying forgiveness is easy. But, I think the intentional pursuit of it gifts us with the grace to move through it.
The grace to forgive was an external and then internal journey for me. I learned to forgive others and then, I learned to forgive myself. I am still learning to forgive myself. Each unraveling takes me deeper into a wound from the past that I did not know I was carrying. And, as I take the time to tend to the wound, I learn about patience. I learn about the delicate nature of care and the intricate stitching required for restoration. This work has allowed me to pull back so many arrows of ill intent that I release as reactions to trauma triggers. When I sit in moments that would have flustered me otherwise, with compassion and understanding I know it was because I offered myself grace. I know it is because I was diligent in the work of repair.
Grace constantly propels me into hope for a better future. I know I have the tools needed to tend to myself when I have been wounded, and how to tend to others when I have become the wound. This also means I make no room for my past to dictate my future. I have the skills and the ability needed to clear away all hurts. And, this is the gift of grace. It’s why I am determined to seek grace in my encounters. Grace let’s me know it isn’t a journey of perfection, but the decision to forgive, heal and act with the wisdom of lessons learned.
