Self-Improvement (Internal) vs. Self-Improvement (External)

This is a topic I discussed in a video last year. It’s a big topic in a certain sector of YouTube, but I’ve always been a big proponent of improving oneself. However, after hearing commentary from some concerning this subject for the past year, I realize that there’s apparently two different types of self-improvement, more specifically, two different motives: internal and external.

When one is internally motivated, their intent is based on oneself and one’s self-worth. They’re focused elevating themselves for themselves. When they’re externally motivated, they’re doing it to impress and gain the praise and admiration of others or to try to get somebody (i.e. a man trying to date a woman or vice versa).

I remember watching a livestream a couple of years ago, and one guy asked the other, “Even if a guy is self-improving merely to get a woman, what’s wrong with that?” I’m paraphrasing, but that’s basically what he asked him. My thought on that was — and still is — morally, there’s nothing wrong with that, but personally, I think that’s shallow and you’re selling yourself short when that’s your reasoning for improving yourself.

Let’s say this (externally motivated) guy makes all of these changes. He improves his body, finances, etc., and she’s still not interested in him or he gets the woman, and she still cheats on him or mess him over in other ways. Then what? This can cause some to think their efforts were in vain and it could lead to drastic actions, such as homicide or suicide.

This isn’t a popular or feel-good saying, but to me, it’s much more fulfilling and substantial when you improve for yourself versus trying please or impress others or trying to get somebody. That’s for men and women alike. When you’re self-motivated, it could be a simple fact of wanting to change your situation because you know you could do better than what you’re doing and you’re driven to do better than what you’re doing. I think it’s dangerous to put your self-esteem in the hands of people.