Sometimes You Have to Get Knocked Down — Again and Again
You feel the universe hates you sometimes when you are not even able to get out of bed and turn your laptop on for work. You feel like there’s not one single thing that’ll make you feel whole again in the future. Not a relocation, not a job change, not a partner change. Nothing.
You are questioning your whole existence, you are begging the Universe, or God, or whatever you believe in. You are begging “it” to come and pick you up and put you back on your path, but nobody’s coming. The more you are asking for help from the invisible source, the more you feel getting stuck into the black pit. You have no choice left. You have to keep living, but just. living.
When you look at your life from the outside maybe there’s nothing wrong. You’ve got a good job that pays you enough to live a good life. You’ve got a nice house and a car, lovely pets, an amazing life partner. You’ve got everything to be grateful for. BUT, what’s missing from this equation? It’s yourself. You aren’t there with your life partner anymore, physically yes but spiritually no. You are living in that house, but you are only seeing how small the house is. You are taking your dog out for a walk, but you are only feeling the burden of having someone to take care of, the feeling of neediness kills you even more.
You are sitting on the couch, trying to find the light with meditation, talking to the “source”, begging for help. Nothing. No answer. You are left alone in the universe, all by yourself and your negative inner talk. You’ve no choice but to sit still and question your whole existence.
You’re a good person, you aren’t doing and haven’t done anything too wrong. You just kept living, but something’s missing, something very big, it’s you that’s missing. You are missing yourself. You’ve lost yourself. You still have this body, but inside you’re not there.
You’re asking why the universe hasn’t come to help you this time. Left you with tears flowing nonstop. What the f universe, I’m here helloo! But no connection.
I’m exactly at that point right now. I needed to start writing to come up with a reasonable answer. An answer to the reason why this huge black pus is growing inside of me. I hear (hopefully it’s the source talking and not the ego) that this is exactly what I should be doing, this is exactly where I should be right now.
Standing still, with no way out, feeling sorry about myself, missing my old self, asking for forgiveness for the things I think I did wrong that put me in this situation. Growth never comes from always acting on it. Growth is mainly sitting still, unable to run away. The source says “Because you’ve run away from that talk inside your head for a very long time, now it’s become bigger than you. Because you always felt too good in good situations and always ignored what needed to be resolved, it covered up every single light beam inside of you. You can not ignore the impeccable balance of existence. Sometimes on the outside, everything is perfect, as on the inside. Sometimes you are dead inside, but on the outside, you are thriving and vice versa. It’s you, always you. If you ignore the balance of existence, the balance is disturbed. You can not choose to create only one aspect of existence, it should always be your inside world and the outside world. I can put you in an amazing situation where you have limitless money, limitless opportunities, and you’ll still feel miserable because that dark hole is getting bigger and bigger because you’re trying to run away from it. You can’t run away from that part of your existence. The darkness is you. Just like the light beam is you.”
You should learn to balance that light beam and darkness so that you’ll learn how to live with yourself, regardless of what is happening in the outside world. The Universe doesn’t give you the answer the way you imagine it. It’s answering your call by showing you the part you should embrace to feel alive again (aka the sickening darkness inside you). It’s answering your call by giving you the strength to overcome this challenge of learning to balance your inner world and outer world. The Universe is ALWAYS there, it’s inside and outside you. Sometimes it should make you feel like you’re alone to make you become stronger than ever.
You are never alone, you are just not looking in the right direction. The only way out is through. Don’t run away from the darkness, instead get completely in. Go through it, you’ll find the light in the end. Your old self will not be there, you’ll find a new you. A stronger you, a grateful you. It’s ok, even now it’s ok, you are just not seeing it. The source is saying it’s here, always by your side, do believe in that almost inaudible voice.
