Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone Isn’t Always the Answer
Say no if you need to!
When you’re anxious, it’s important to continue moving forward; but sometimes what we really need is time in our comfort zone. When I first started battling anxiety, I thought that the best way to get rid of it was by just behaving as I normally would, and putting myself in situations that I was once comfortable in, even if I felt otherwise about them in the current state. In doing so, not only did my anxiousness not improve, but it made it worse. While it’s good to push ourselves and encourage normal behavior, sometimes we just need time. Making small steady changes, and taking baby steps towards our goals can be effective and does provide lasting results.
Last Christmas, my friends decided that we needed a holiday get-together. We all missed one another, and everyone was vaccinated, so why not have a small, safe celebration and catch up?! I was thrilled with the idea, I couldn’t wait to be festive and boy did I need some social time. This was normal for me, pre-pandemic, so I was certain that it would feel just like old times. Well, sometimes old times are referred to that way for a reason — they are simply a trip down memory lane back when things were different. Sometimes those “old times” will remain in the past no matter how much we want them to be a part of our future. So here I was at this holiday party with my closest friends, being social, just like I always used to be, and I didn’t enjoy a minute of it. I felt so uneasy, I was beside myself, and I was definitely outside what my current comfort zone had been for so long, I was just a big ball of emotions. But instead of taking a step back, and giving myself a moment to breathe, I pushed. I had some drinks, ate food, mingled with everyone, and played Cards Against Humanity in hopes that the anxiety would just fade away on its own and I would be fine.
Pushing this hard made it worse for me, my body suddenly decided that it had enough and it wanted to shut down. I started sweating, I felt trapped, nauseated, and overall uneasy, it was awful! I tried my best to maintain my cool but I just couldn’t do it. In the most discrete way that I could, I pulled my husband and best friend aside and told them I needed to leave. My story was that I needed to let the dog out, which was a good cover because I normally had to break away to do that when I was out and about so it worked. The truth was that I was going to explode if I stayed, I needed to break away ASAP. A minute longer and my anxiety would have turned into a full-blown panic attack, no question about it.
I share this experience with you, not to gain sympathy, or to seek pity, but instead to prove that sometimes stepping out of your comfort zone too much and pushing too hard hurts you. When we feel anxious the thing that we desire most is to feel normal, so instinctively we either want to run and hide or we think it’s a good idea to keep pushing. Both of these things can help in different ways, but what matters most is that we do what we need to to make ourselves feel better in the moment. Keep reminding yourself that it’s ok to say no or step away if you need a minute, people will understand — and if they don’t, who cares?! You do what’s best for you and don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it! Although we should always try to keep moving forward, we must remember to do so in a way that fits our specific needs. We may not be moving at the same pace as the next person and that’s ok, it’s normal. We are all different and we all do things on our own time and in our way. The part that matters most is that we try our best, and we keep calm — remember to stay positive, it’ll all work out in the end.
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