The Thing About Places to Start From
I don’t know what to write about. There are many thoughts running wild in my head but I cannot catch any of them. It’s like I am at a horse race; my thoughts are the horses and I’m betting on them blindly, not knowing which one will win. Which one I should write about. I have also never been to a horse race and I don’t even know if they are still a thing or not.
That is quite a good beginning. I usually struggle the most with just starting things, in general. The main problem there is that I plan things so thoroughly that I don’t want to do them anymore. Maybe this is a story for another time.
But this has to be a common problem, right? Not knowing what to write about, especially when you’re just starting. I recently read an article talking about this; the author said they first started writing about things they have experienced and their vision about the world. I assume that is a proper place to start, to place yourself somewhere, on some sort of scale, a chart, some sort of measurement of morality.
There is one small problem though. I feel like I have lost all sort of identity. I was never really good at describing myself but now it all seems.. fogged up. I’m wearing my life glasses and the moment I brought a cup of tea up to my face to drink, it all disappeared in a fog. And now I can’t find anything to clean my glasses with.
A while ago I was trying to write about identity and the like, how people cling to stuff they like and base their entire personality around those things. The way I was writing it, I was looking down at those people. I was and still am jealous of people who can clearly tell between who they are and are not.
It’s a difficult process. As long as we live, we learn. That is, if we want to. Maybe that is the reason why I can’t find a place to start from. Not only I’ve stopped learning, I have also grown afraid and stubborn. I was told that plenty of times. Maybe at some point I’ll learn too and clear my foggy glasses.
I’d like to believe I already started doing that.
