There Is One Imposter Within Us…And It’s Killing Our Dreams
The imposter syndrome and why we just can’t seem to acknowledge our success and achievements.
Earlier this week, I was sitting on a lawn chair with a cat in my lap, reflecting back on everything I had accomplished in 2021.
Truth to be told, I didn’t do as much as I would have wanted to do, and for a while that upset me. A lot.
I felt angry that I had let myself off the hook too easily, too many times. I then began to think about the things I DID do, and a thought crossed my mind: “Am I genuinely good at what I like doing? Do I even LIKE what I think I like doing?”
Cue the “Among Us” music.
The Imposter Syndrome: What Is It?
We’ve probably all heard of the quote “fake it till you make it”. A bit of a cliche statement that has, over the years, seem to have lost its impact and meaning. Regardless, let’s dissect it.
When we “fake it”, we’re effectively telling ourselves “Screw it! I’m gonna do it even if I have no idea what I’m doing!”, because we’re under the impression that if we do something enough, we’ll eventually perfect it.
There’s no bullshit behind that: if you do something enough, you WILL eventually perfect it in one way or another. In theory, this quote is great.
We only start running into issues when we integrate this frame of mind into real life: as you’re going through the process of “faking it”, your mind will likely begin to second guess itself, which is where the Imposter Syndrome comes in.
The Imposter Syndrome is essentially a frame of mind in which you believe that you are deceiving yourself in one or multiple areas of your life.
It can present itself in various ways, and is commonly associated with:
- Feeling like a fraud or a fake: “I don’t know if what I’m doing is honest or not”
- Having a hard time crediting yourself for your achievements: “I probably just got lucky”
- Discounting your hard work: “I didn’t work THAT hard. Things just happened to work out”
- An inability to accept praise: “I don’t feel like I’m worthy of praise”
How Imposter Syndrome Kills Your Dreams
Imposter Syndrome ultimately arises from one thing: self-doubt.
That annoying, nagging voice in the back of your head that makes you question everything you’ve ever done and your capabilities. The instant you let it take control, you begin thinking of yourself as less than.
To think of yourself as anything less than what you are is doing yourself a disservice. Your standards begin to lower, you start cutting corners and abilities. You’ll stop being the person you want to be, and instead be the person others want you to be to make up for your feelings of inadequacy.
But let’s dive deeper into its origins.
Environment
How competitive was the environment you grew up in? Went to school in? How competitive was your family? What were their expectations for you?
Chances are, you grew up, or are growing up, in an environment where you were held to high expectations, either by yourself or others, like your parents.
Imposter syndrome hides behind the need to appear perfect at all times and our inability to admit to failure or needing help.
How many times have you struggled in silence? How many times have you declined help when it was offer to you, because something inside you was too prideful to admit that help was necessary?
A competitive environment often unintentionally pushes forth the idea that needing help is a sign of weakness.
Struggles never go away. The worst thing you can do is remain silent through your struggles, because they will only pile higher and higher, until eventually, you feel like a fraud because you never resolved the problems when they first arose.
If you get a little bit of shit in your eyes, you rinse it out immediately. You don’t just ignore it and let more of it get into your eyes because then all you ever see will be shit.
How can you feel clean and worthy when your eyes are full of shit? The bravest thing one can do is ask for help.
Lack of Self-Esteem and Worth
Attributed to the environment you grew up in is a potential lack of self-esteem or self-worth resulting in Imposter Syndrome.
For instance, growing up, I was always told that a 95 on a test was not enough. “If 100 is a perfect score, why would you settle for anything less?”
Though I was encouraged by those words, it was short-lived, and I started heavily judging myself for my inability to get perfect scores, regardless of how difficult the test or assignment was.
This judgement shifted to other areas of my life as well, resulting in me being woefully unable to come to terms with my achievements: I always was on the pursuit for more.
Constantly striving for more is a good thing, but too much of a good thing ultimately becomes harmful. In considering your successes, it’s also important to think about context.
Are you telling yourself that your success is not good enough, nothing worth celebrating, or is that something others are telling you?
“Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
Because chances are, your inability to reward yourself for your achievements comes from the fact that OTHER people don’t view them as achievements.
Having a mindset that you’re never good enough means you begin to discount your successes and the hurdles you had to leap over.
You, ultimately, are your best judge. No one’s thought or opinion is more valuable than your own.
If you feel like an imposter, don’t fret. Nearly all of us do, or will, at some point. What matters is to track it down, to figure out what the exact cause of your feelings is, and to take that, and grow from it.
Never underestimate your potential.
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As always,
Live like your life depends upon it. ❤
