What to do when your best wasn’t good enough?

What do you do when your best wasn't good enough, and your efforts seemed in utter vain?

Today I find my mind drifting to the presentation I had earlier, while I work on how to make coffee.
I realize that the reason I feel so downcast today is because I hate when I mistakenly portray a false image of myself.

Earlier that week I had worked my mind off trying and retrying the PowerPoint slides, making sure everything was catchy and compact. I sent in an earlier draft, then reconsidered and worked on it again. Eventually my brain bots were satisfied and I sent in the final draft of my work..

Fast forward to earlier today , I was the last on the queue to present, I got up and stood in front of my class, confident in my finished work and my hot pink sweater . I opened up the uploaded version of my work on the screen and alas, it was the old version staring at Me in the face!!!

The bots in my head screamed chaos but I smiled, took in a deep breath and gave it my all. After I was done, I slumped on my chair and the disappointment came in waves….

Apparently, a technical error from my server didn't deliver the finished work. I was down, because I had done my very best, I put In my best effort and no one got to see it apart from my laptop screen.

The thing is, I could console myself and say “well you know you did well babes, move on, it's done and you can't rewind the hands of time” But I allow myself to feel the waves of my effort and to feel the loss of what could have been. This probably feels too deep for something so minute, however, it is deep because it was mine, my ideas, my thoughts and my hard work. We all want to be rewarded when we have put in our best work and gone ahead of ourselves to make sure we stun the crowd .

We all are addicts of magic in our little ways and we need our fix of a self deserving reward. Sadly though, sometimes even when we've done out best, it may not be enough or like in my case it may be delayed by the forces that be.

It is hard, but we have to find a way to cope with it and not be disheartened or dwell in the waves of disappointment for too long. We have to find a way to make ourselves feel seen.
Like a tap on our backs or a self care day, a cup of hot chocolate or a hug from a loved one. We know what makes us feel better, so let's have a shot of that and try to get up and running!!

If it makes you feel any better just know that I understand and I know you did your very best and one day sooner than later it'll be enough and you'll get your reward. I always try to remember it's just a bad day , not a bad life, and every day is a new sheet, a new time to start anew.

So cheer up , your fix is coming.

This is a letter to both you and I.