What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
What if you were asked this at every turn?
“What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
This is a quote that has been the guiding light of my life for some time now.
I do not know the origin of this quote, but I first read it in the book “Who moved my Cheese?” (An eye-opening read, in case you are wondering.) It was when I was facing an unprecedented amount of change consciously for the first time. I had chosen to pursue Mechanical Engineering in one of the “good” universities in India. I was away from home for the very first time all by myself. The thing with the field is that it is taboo for women. Our ratio was 1:25 female to male. I generally have trouble talking to people, let alone boys. I was judged all the time for being quiet and sincere in school. I was entering with low self-esteem. On the whole, I had signed up for a really hard deal willingly.
And I was doubting myself. Every single moment. I wondered if I could pull it off. Every time someone spoke to me, I felt shivers. I was scared that I would be judged once again. (It had already begun, and it had only been a few days) It was painful. Homesickness was eating me, made worse by my feelings of insecurity.
That is when I read that book — I got it as a prize some time and I had decided to carry it along (luckily). That is when things changed. This quote is what stuck with me from it.
And it is true, isn’t it?
A lot of times more than we can count, we are held back by our own inhibitions, our own fears. We stop before we can start because we run scenarios one full cycle (probably more) in our heads and do not see a good end. We live it in our heads and decide it is not worth living. But how is that okay?
First of all, we definitely do not have access to all possible inputs into a situation. We know what we know and that is a lack. Because we do not know everything. Nobody ever does. So how are those simulations in our heads accurate? They aren’t. In fact, I will go one step further and say they are bridled with our bias — our perception of ourselves from a light that is neither practical nor neutral (let alone positive.) Come on! We are human. Failing is not our fault, it is our characteristic. Failure teaches us something. It helps us grow. It definitely does NOT define us.
And yet we tend to always bias our self-image towards our failures. But do you ever wonder how if you hadn’t failed when you failed, you wouldn’t be where you are now? In fact, if humanity didn’t fail when it did, we would be extinct. We are trained to praise the successes, but we should also train to see the countless failures that enabled it. Failure is good. Do not be afraid to fail.
Next, we tend to think we are right. Our opinion is (quite obviously) biased towards us. We think that others possibly cannot know our perspective of things, right? Only I am right because only I know. Right? Partially. You see, it holds both ways — something we conveniently forget. If they don’t know what we know, we do not know what they know too. We have no idea what they went through, why they are the way they are. This took me some time to realize. Especially when you feel you are treated badly, it is extremely hard to look at it from another perspective. But it is good to be a spectator to our thoughts sometimes. The initial step in that direction is to acknowledge that there is indeed one more way to look at it. Sometimes many. Which one is right?
Frankly I do not know. Maybe all of them are. Maybe none of them are. Maybe some of them are. The idea here is not to understand which is right but to understand that there are so many of them that we really cannot control how things are headed. All we can control is how we are headed. Now, if we stop ourselves before we try, whose fault is that?
One way I mitigate this bias is by talking. Blatantly asking people about what they think. (I get judged for that too, just letting you know) Sometimes I hear things that hurt me, sometimes they delight me but most times I am only half-right, if at all. Knowing the truth relieves me, nonetheless. Talk, communicate — do not assume things. If that is too hard, then only assume that your ideas are not fully correct and go forward. It takes keeping our big egos aside to go on like this. But I assure you it just makes us so much lighter at heart. We all deserve that, don’t we?
When harbored for too long, these tend to manifest as fears in our heads. Fears that tie our hands, eyes, and minds. What about when the damage is already done? We understand all of this now, but not before. We are dealing with repercussions now. What to do?
Ask yourself “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?”
What possible course of action would you take, if the concept of failure did not exist? If everyone cheerfully accepts whatever you do? If everyone thought the same way as you do? Or whatever fear that binds you is non-existent?
Do that. (Assuming you are not intending to hurt anybody or yourself, then fear is good, but that is for another article.)
The best part about being human is that although we have a lot of weaknesses, we have a lot of strengths. It is there, in you! Believe me. Believe in it. All that you want to achieve is possible!
The first, real and the biggest wall between you and your dreams is you.
P. S. My undergrad turned out to be the best four years of my life so far — even with all its pains, it had a lot of gains. I made sure of it. Once again, I am in a similar situation, so I am trying too, with you.
