One of the most important questions you can ask yourself: What’s important to me?
I see so many people in my coaching practice and in my life in general struggling with knowing who they really are and how they should make decisions that are made from their hearts vs. their heads.
I am here to tell you that it is much easier to be a clear and certain decision maker than you think. It really pains me when I see people wasting a lot of time trying to make important decisions or solve problems for themselves especially when the access to our clarity is as simple as it can be. Perhaps we don’t really want to know how to be clear, to be certain or to be fully authentic with ourselves?
I love it when Tony Robbins says that the biggest addiction in our society is not to substances (drugs, alcohol, gambling etc) but to being unhappy. He yells from his stage (in an empowering way) that we are problem addicts and we get more energy from complaining about them then from fixing them. I must say that I totally agree!
You want to know the secret to the fountain of clarity, certainty and confidence? Are you sure? Are you sure you are willing to give up your problems, your confusion and struggling?
My own personal journey has led me to seeing my tendency towards being confused and complaining about it. I would say I certainly have had times where I have fallen asleep at the “wheel of life” all to avoid becoming who I really am as a force that is committed to waking people up to the magnificent beings they we really are on this planet! In fact, I am passionate about getting clear about values because that was what unlocked the secret to my own clarity and power.
So what is the secret to moving from confusion to clarity? From moving from being asleep to being awake? Ok- drumroll please… It’s your value system or simply put it’s discovering the things that are truly most important to you (not what you have been told by others should be important to you!) and designing your life around them.
It was really through getting crystal clear about what was most important to me that I finally identified transformation and spirituality as my highest value and became a Life Coach. This has set a trajectory for my life that truly makes me jump out of bed in the morning. In the process of this discovery I also saw how important health and beauty (inside and out) were to me which totally explained to me why I have always been so passionate about the health and fitness industry. So much about my past choices and future desires became clear as a bell when you do your values clarity exploration.
Here are some other vital points to mention, once we get clear about our values, we never get stuck with them. They can change based on major events in your life, your age etc. Also there is a hierarchy of importance in our value system. There are the most important to the least important ones. I actually have had a major shift in my values over the last two years or so. I discovered newly that being fully PRESENT to the profound love I have for my husband and children is what truly makes my heart sing and expressing that LOVE is my true purpose on the planet and guides my existence at the highest level. So I am still as passionate about transformation and spirituality but I would say the love for my husband and family has moved into the number one value spot.
So let me just repeat that getting clear about our values and our guiding principles is our access to our inner and outer universes. Discovering our values, and then living in alignment to them, sets the background for our full self-expression and access to joy. Potentially, any struggles that exist in our lives can be sourced back to a lack of clarity around exactly what our values are.
Now you might be thinking “OK- I get it but how do I get clear about my own values?” Well, it’s easier than you think. You don’t have to go to a mountain top for 10 years and meditate to find them — yeh!
Here’s the great news, you just have to look at what your current life demonstrates to determine what your values are. You might not always like what you see but you can change them if you really want to. But the caveat is you have to really want to change them if they are going to change! Make sense?
Here is one way into values clarity. I do a 13-step process (I’m licensed as a Values Facilitator by Dr.John Demartini to do so) where a client’s values system just becomes clear to them like fog lifting off of the Golden Gate Bridge.
Here is an introduction to some of the questions I ask in the process:
1. Where do you spend most of your time?
2. What do you think about the most?
3. What do you choose to spend your money for the most part? (note: we always will come up with the money for the things we really really value!)
4. What do you talk to yourself and others about the most?
5. Where are you the most reliable and disciplined? (note: when you are doing what you value you just do it and mostly it doesn’t feel like “discipline”.)
Ok- start with those 5 questions. Another great question that will give you insight into your number one or two value on your list is is this: what would you happily do, be or have if you were awakened at 2am in the morning? What would just make you hop out of bed in the matter of seconds? For me, I would totally jump out of bed for a Tony Robbins workshop!
Here is one of my favorite quotes about values:
“In inventing an enterprise for our lives — one built on the foundation of our created values — our vision and goals begin to emerge and flourish, to invite a plan of action. They interact with each other, augment each other, accelerate each other, and become a platform for knowing ourselves powerfully, for making the unique difference we are out to make — for being nobody but ourselves.” Steve Zaffron — Author of Three Laws of Performance
Now go forth and discover your values to be the kind of clear decision maker that moves mountains on this planet of ours!
Eager to explore your own values? Listen to Alexandra’s powerful talks on MoveWith: