Jan 21
Back with more of my review of this extremely weird vampire movie.
Dr. Hayes treats Erica’s condition (an alarmingly low level of blood) with a transfusion from Paul, while Erica babbles incessantly. She asks Paul to forgive her and adds, “Please kill me.” Unfortunately, Paul does only one of those things. Michael shows back up at some point and the three men discuss the possibility that Erica is suffering from vampirism. Michael is skeptical, Paul is also likely skeptical, but less so than Michael, and the doctor is a scientist so… Who knows? Maybe? Maybe not? Can you prove that there are or aren’t vampires? Or is it all myths and legends?
In any case, they put a pin in the discussion eventually and agree to follow up the next day. Giving Yorga plenty of time to sneak in by an open window and spirit Erica away and back to the mansion, where he hopes (I assume) to add her to his collection of undead women (including, as it turns out, Donna’s dead mom). (Or undead mom, actually.)
Did I forget to mention Yorga’s collection of vampiric brides? He keeps them in the basement on slabs. There’s this part where he sits on a throne and brings them to “life.” Then, according to Wikipedia, he “commands them to have sex.” Well, I either fell asleep or they cut that part out of the version I saw. Or the sex was so subtly implied, you’d miss it if you blinked.
Anyway, Stupid Boyfriend Paul wakes up from the couch he’s sleeping on, goes upstairs, realizes Erica is missing, freaks out, drives like a bat out of hell to the mansion, doesn’t bother to leave a note or make a phone call, barges onto the property, and promptly gets captured and choked to death by Yorga, who hands him to Brudah (his manservant), who gratuitously breaks his back. (Thus demonstrating but he is majorly strong.) (It’s a visual medium. And sound. SNAP!)
Michael tells Dr. Hayes about Paul heading off for the last round up to the mansion to rescue Erica. Hayes says Paul is an idiot may end up dead. (Or non-dead. Who knows?) Then Hayes’ girlfriend (who has no name that I could discern) shows up and tells them about the Strange Case of the Baby Who Was Drained of Blood. Dr. Hayes starts to wonder. Could Yorga be a … bloodsucking creature of the night? So Dr. Hayes, Michael, and Donna pay an impromptu visit to Yorga, to see what they can learn about Paul. And they apparently plan to spend the entire night, sitting with Yorga and talking him to death. (Or something.) (Perhaps a vampire coma?) The whole idea, of course, is to keep him up past sunrise. Frankly, an extremely weird plan from anyone’s perspective.
Yorga, meanwhile, is way too polite to ask anyone outright to leave. Let me set the scene.
FADE IN:
INT. MANSION — NIGHT
Standard mansion living room furniture surrounded by stone walls.
TWO-SHOT
Dr. Hayes sits on the sofa across from the Count Yorga in a corner chair. Donna and Michael are seated off-screen.
DR. HAYES
Isn’t vampirism interesting, Yorga?
YORGA
Yeah. Sure. I guess.
DR. HAYES
Hey, what time is it?
YORGA
Uh. Four o’clock. And not in the afternoon.
DR. HAYES
This is so much fun. I could do this all night.
INT. MANSION — LATER
Everyone’s still sitting there.
DR. HAYES
Tell us, sir. Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Vampire Party?
MICHAEL (O.S.)
Are you really a Count?
YORGA
I’m sorry. I wasn’t paying attention. I confess that being Bulgarian, I’m a stranger to your ways, but it is a bit … um … late … or early …
At some point, Michael goes off looking for the bathroom and, following a further exchange of barbed dialogue, Hayes goes off to look for Michael, leaving Donna alone with Yorga. Take a guess what he does with her. While completely avoiding sunlight, I assume.
Eventually, they get the hint and leave, but make plans to return during the daytime. Why they don’t simply wait another hour and finish Yorga off then and there… well, Dr. Hayes needs time to read up on vampire lore, where he discovers what anyone even vaguely familiar with vampires knows. That vampires don’t like crosses and you kill them with a stake through the heart.
*****
Yes, it must be said …
